So.
I was fucked. Actually, I was more than fucked. I had let myself get too involved and let myself daydream and now look where I was: stuck in a big fucking rut.
It had started off with just a bit of simple admiration. That changed to something a little more and then soon, I was on the road of no return.
Why had I let this happen? There had been plenty of opportunities when I could have stopped myself. Why had I been so selfish and let myself do this?
It was such a fucking waste of feelings as well. It wasn't just the fact that it was unrequited; it was that if it was requited, there was no shot in hell that anything would happen.
Not that it was requited. At all.
I knew what I was getting myself into and I just fucking carried on my way, not caring at all. But now, I cared too much. There was never a middle ground.
I knew there was no turning back when my teenage boy hormones started to wake up from apparent hibernation and I saw my teacher in more of a sexual way.
So it turned out that I didn't just have feelings for him, I was lusting after him as well. Jeez, Frank, get ahold of yourself.
That was the last thing I needed. Hiding my feelings was one thing but hiding a boner was another. God, imagine how embarrassing that would be.
Luckily, I only thought of Mr Way in that way when I was at home in the privacy of my bedroom. There, I would think up different scenarios involving my favourite teacher and myself. When I was done, I would call myself disgusting and vow to never think of Mr Way in that way again.
I was such a good liar, I even fooled himself sometimes.
Other than the obvious physical attraction I was having towards him, my feelings were getting even stronger every time I saw him and I had no idea why. I knew he was my teacher and I knew he was off-limits but I still liked him anyway??? What the fuck was wrong with me?
As I said though, he was beginning to act more like a friend than a teacher towards me. I wasn't sure if he was doing it subconsciously or not but it was happening whether I liked it or not. And obviously, I really liked it.
It was getting to the point that I would rather spend time with him than with well... anyone else. I felt comfortable around him. I was in way too deep.
He just made me feel so much happier than anyone I'd ever met. It didn't make any sense but I was just accepting it now because what the fuck ever. He made me happy. Why would I deprive myself of his company?
It wasn't like I could avoid him anyway. He was my fucking teacher. I saw him nearly every day. To be honest, if I had the opportunity to see him at the weekends as well, I would take it.
That just showed how fucked I was, like I said.
I had no idea how to fix all of this shit and honestly, I couldn't be fucked to do so. I'd accepted how screwed I was. I'd deal with the heartache later.
Although, if I wasn't mistaken, he was either flirting with me on purpose or unintentionally lately. Or maybe I was just being hopeful/stupid.
"Mr Iero, could I have your opinion on something?" He asked me one day during the free.
I looked up from my own phone.
Mr Way had spent the last fifteen minutes or so doing work or something at his desk so I had just sat on the stage and scrolled through Tumblr.
"Uh yeah, sure." I put my phone away and jumped down off the stage.
When I was by the desk, he looked up and smiled at me. "What do you think of this drawing?" He held it up.
Seriously? He had been doodling? Why wasn't I surprised.
I stared at the drawing in front of me. It was a cartoon drawing of... a cat. Right.
"A cat?" I raised an eyebrow.
He looked at the picture. "My favorite animal."
"I thought you were doing some marking or something."
He looked at me as if I was stupid. "I'll get to that later."
So he had priorities then. I smirked and sat in the chair I had originally placed next to the desk. "So cats, huh? I would've thought your favorite animal was something foreign and that I'd never heard of it." It seemed too normal for him.
He grinned and put the picture back down on his desk. "Cats are undoubtably... the best."
I shook my head. "I disagree."
His smile disappeared and he cocked one eyebrow up. "And what, Mr Iero, is your favorite animal?" He leant forward and rested his elbows on the table.
I crossed one leg over the other and smiled at him. "Dog."
He smirked at my answer. "How unsettling. You're a dog person?"
"And you're a cat person." I stated, not letting up on my grin.
He was quiet for a moment before he said. "And here was me thinking we had real chemistry. Disappointing."
Chemistry? As in, relationship chemistry?
Before I could either reply or make strange noises, he picked up the picture again.
"Art is another passion of mine." He told me.
"It's a good drawing." I fiddled with my sleeve. I looked up to see him grinning as usual at me.
"That compliment is much appreciated, Frank. Thank you."
I smiled back at him, "You're welcome."
---
I still can't believe how many of you really like this story. I personally think it's one of my worsts. Barely anything's happened yet.
Yet.
-Beth :3
