The Difficult Mate

Twenty

I sit in the room just shocked. He left. This is not how I wanted this day to go. I just cant feel bad about everything anymore. It's not my fault any of it. He shouldn't have rejected me or hit me or let me go. No it's not his fault. Why did I let him go? Why would I ever say anything to make him think I didn't love him? Why can't I just tell him what I did under Peter's control?

That's it! If I am honest with him he can decide so it's not on me. If he can't stand me after I tell him than that's his choice! I know in my heart he will hate me after the news but I can stop feeling like a bitch for making him stay  and for making all the wrong decisions. Slowly I make my way out of the room and outside. I follow Theo's scent all the way back to his office. He's standing by his desk looking at all the papers I've been writing while he was asleep. He tenses when he notices me. I go and sit in the chair across from his desk and look at my hands.

"After Peter... killed me," I start but Theo cuts me off.

"I don't want you to talk about this if you're not ready. Also do you think it'll fix anything?" He asks in a defeated voice.

"If you still love me after what I tell you than I know we can work." I admit. Theo looks shocked but lets me continue.

"After I died the world was just black. There was nothing but a pull at my heart and suddenly I was in that room. Peter had his hands on the wound and was chanting some spell. The first thing I noticed once I could think straight was I couldn't feel you. I cried because I never felt so empty; not being your mate felt like I was nothing. After a few days a young girl was sent into my room. She was a sweet girl only about 14 year old, she brought my food tray in. After she left Peter came in and told me that in a few days once she was 15, she would be one of his girls. Girls he used for sex and beatings. My heart broke for her and all the other girls but there was nothing I thought I could do. Peter then said I had two choice sit by and watch as he used her or I could kill her before she ever knew that pain. All I could think of was myself. I hate myself for what Peter and his men did to me. I hate the scars and nightmares. I couldn't let her go through what I had but how could I kill a child? Peter left me a gun and told me the choice was mine. He spelled the gun so it could only kill her and wouldn't fire if aimed at anyone else. The next day when she brought my food in I didn't kill her. Two days after that she walked in with a limp wearing hardly any clothes and looked like she'd been crying. I knew that she had turned 15 and Peter had done what he said. She looked like me. Broken. So I picked up the gun and fired. It went straight through her heart. She dropped to the floor and bled out. I'll never forget that sight. She didn't get to have last words. I don't even know her name but I killed her. I killed her because I couldn't kill myself or Peter so I killed a 15 year old girl because I thought she was better off! I killed her and three months later she could have been rescued! Peter smiled and told me that him and I were similar. We both killed innocents. He took the gun back and a new girl came with food. She was being raped and beaten as well. Peter did that to show me that me killing the girl had to effect because others were still suffering! Every time I want to feel bad about not having kids I remember those girls faces. I remember the sound of a gunshot. Why should I have a baby if I killed someone else's?" I spill my guts and feel empty. All these months of being Luna and dealing with Theo have kept my mind away from that day but it always comes back to me. I cry into my hands after seeing who disgusted Theo looks.

"I wish I could have.... could have... killed myself. I know that's what you're think.... thinking. I'm... I'm.. a monster!" I cry out. Theo doesn't move to comfort me or move at all. How could I think he'd love me after telling him that? After another moment of self pity I know he hates me. I run out of the office and outside all the way to Emma's house. I know what I have to do to make everything right. She opens the door and pulls me in. She asks me what's wrong but I can't stop crying.

"Your brother h... ha... hates me and it's all my fault. I need you to do me a favor." I say. Pulling myself together with a new sense of purpose.

"Anything!" She says worriedly.

"Go talk to Theo. Ask him what I did and keep him distracted for a few hours. I have to make things right but I'll need time." I say. She agrees and we both leave. I go back to the pack house and write my letter to Theo.

After writing him a letter of that explains exactly how I feel I place it on the bed. I put on my most comfortable running clothes and head into the pack. This is when Emma mind links me. Oh Lily. I'm so sorry Theo told me about your fight. He didn't tell her about my confession. Tell her! I demand in his head. Tell them all what I did! Let them hate me like they should! Theo doesn't respond. I mind link Emma again. Call everyone I love to the pack house and don't leave until Theo tells you about the girl. You need to hear her story.

I reach the pack boundaries and the guard lets me out to question. I take one last look at my pack before sprinting away.

I'm gone and never coming back. I'm paying for all I've done by giving up my life in this pack. I will go far away and never bother them again. I pray they all can someday forgive me.

As awful as I feel about leaving Theo I also feel something else...

Free.