Scisaac Love

You're All I Have

"You might think you have strategy but it looks like I'm the alpha now," Isaac laughed.

Scott had gotten lost in Isaac's eyes and Isaac had returned the favor. The two of them, on the ground, were as silent as could be. There wasn't a sound in the house aside from the water dripping off the facet, and the air conditioner running. Gingerly, Isaac moved his head in toward Scott's. Their noses were soon touching. Isaac could hear Scott's breaths. Isaac then pressed his lips onto Scott's. Together, in a rhythmic pattern, both lips were moving together. Scott started to maneuver his tongue into Isaac's mouth, and Isaac didn't reject him. Isaac lifted his head up off of Scott's, biting Scott's lip as he left. Isaac rolled off of Scott's body with his back against the carpet so both the boys were parallel from one another.

"Why don't we go up to my bed room where it's more comfortable?" requested Scott.

Scott was first to get up off the floor and he then pulled Isaac up with him. Scott held Isaac's hand, able to feel his rapid pulse, and led him to his room.

They both hopped onto Scott's queen sized bed. Isaac then broke the silence.

"Scott. I know it may sound sappy but is it alright if I tell you what I'm thinking right now, how I feel?" he asked shyly.

"That's no problem at all." Scott's voice was calm. He then took his hands and rubbed them against Isaac's jeans to try and help calm him down.

"Okay so this may sound stupid. But whenever I'm with you my stomach drops. My insides eat me alive. My blood turns black, and my body becomes ice cold. Every inch in my body wants to tear you apart but my brain is the one that prevents me from doing so. My cheeks flush with red whenever I think about you, and I get really hot at the same time with being cold. It's like I'm frozen and I don't know what to do with myself. My body just stops, and starts to tremble. I try to just shake off whatever I'm feeling but it comes back to swallow me whole. When I'm with you I feel like I'm drowning, like I'm being stolen of my most simple need; air. Or as if smoke from a fire is building up in my lungs and I just want to burst. You bury me alive in suffocation. I try my best to control it...but sometimes....sometimes I just don't want to control it. I want to take action. I want to intertwine myself with you. I want... I don't know what I want. Well... maybe I do know what I want, I just don't want to admit it to myself, because I tell myself that everything I'm feeling right now, is better. It's better than being ripped apart and torn into shreds, being shattered like a mirror, and I'm scared that, with love, that is what's going to happen to me."

Scott just paused and stared at Isaac for a long while left speechless.

"Isaac. I would never intentionally hurt you. That's all I can really say. This is the most real thing I have felt in a long time. Let me just tell you one more thing; if you were drowning I would come and save you. I would pull you up out of the water, and perform CPR. If I couldn't save you, if it was too late, I would jump in the water and sink with you. If you were ever being burned alive I would run into the fire and pull you out, and if I couldn't, I would burn with you. Everything that will happen between us, tonight, tomorrow, a year from now, I am going to feel too. Every emotion you experience, there will be a part of me that aches for you. If I shatter you like a mirror, that means I'm the one who cracked it."

Scott stopped rubbing Isaac's thigh. Isaac looked down into his lap where Scott's hand has just been. His thoughts and emotions were flustered, scattering everywhere across his mind. He didn't want to stare into Scott's eyes or else he felt he may get trapped in them.

"Hey, look at me," Scott commanded softly. He took two of his fingers and pried Isaac's head up. "It's okay."

"But what if it won't be," Isaac filled in directly after Scott, not leaving a pause of silence.

"You need to just stop thinking about the future. You can't live your life in fear. Think about what you want now.

Isaac looked back down into his lap again. He didn't know what to feel. Isaac was sure that he loved Scott but was too afraid to admit it, too afraid of the consequences. If he let himself love Scott, that would leave him open to having his heart broken. And without Scott, without Derek, without his own father, Isaac would be left with no one. No place to go. No one to love. No one to love him.

Scott, knowing that Isaac was upset was going to try his best to reassure him. He slowly moved his hands towards Isaac's cheeks and pressed his palms on each side. The warmth from his hand shocked Isaac. Isaac cowardly looked up as Scott continued to brush his fingers away from his face and into Isaac's curly hair.

"Listen, Isaac, I don't know what this is. Or what it will turn out to be. But we can't just look back on our lives thinking about the what ifs. We have to take action, but I am not going to do anything you are uncomfortable with."

"GODDAMMIT SCOTT!" Issac's's voice was raised in a scream. "DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT. IF I LOSE YOU, I LOSE EVERYTHING."

"Hey, hey, calm down, okay? Keep your voice down, it's the middle of the night and my mom's sleeping," Scott whispered.

Isaac started to bawl his eyes out. His head collapsed into Scott's shoulder. He was sobbing, soaking up Scott's t-shirt. Scott started to scratch Isaac's back with light strokes, trying to calm him down. Scott could see the rise and fall of Isaac's breaths from his back, he was breathing intensely. He went up to Isaac's ear and whispered real softly.

"Listen, I don't know where this will take us and neither do you. We both love each other and are afraid of admitting it. I promise I will never leave you. We could break each other, stab each other, burn each other, and I would still never leave you to sit in your own shadow. I won't let you disintegrate into nothing. You need to stop thinking about the future. Think about what you want now. Tell me what that is when you're ready."

Isaac stopped crying. He took his head off of Scott's shoulder. When he looked into Scott's eyes he couldn't help but giggle over how ridiculous he looked, crying in the middle of the night, afraid of love and loss.

"It's good to see you laugh. It makes my blood thin out, and my body temperature drop. I flutter inside and there is no better feeling."

"Scott, can we just cuddle?" Scott nodded.
They both straightened themselves out and lied down on the bed in a synchronized motion. Scott pulled the fluffy navy comforter over both of them. They both turned inwards to each other with their faces inches apart. Scott's hand started to course the curves on Isaac's back.

"I might regret what I'm about to do for a second time today..." Isaac stopped. He gingerly pushed his head in towards Scott's. Their lips collided. Isaac played with Scott's hair while his tongue pressed on the inside of his cheek. Slowly, Isaac pulled away and for a moment they just stared into each other's eyes, not taking them off one another. Isaac burrowed his head into Scott's chest. Hearing his steady breath and his heartbeat soothed him. The warmth of Scott's body was a shield around his face. Scott took his left arm and put it over Isaac's body, resting his hands on his shoulder blades, in a hug. Nothing separated them besides their own flesh.

Isaac loved being pushed into Scott because it made him feel safe, he didn't feel vulnerable. He was able to forget his misery and just get lost in Scott. He was able to drift away and forget the world.

Scott loved having Isaac. Isaac was something for Scott to live for. He had someone to hold, someone to care for, and someone to protect.

Isaac kicked his leg over Scott's body in order to stretch himself out without leaving him. It was about 1:30 in the morning and both of them had started to drift away to sleep.

Isaac pulled his head away from Scott's, and saw Scott open his eyes for a few seconds so he knew that he wasn't asleep yet.

"Scott?"

"Yeah?" Scott's eyes pried open to look at Isaac's.

"I love you." Isaac's voice was raspy, and sleepy, cracking as he said the words.

"I love you too, Isaac."

They kissed again with passion, it was the same as before, only they felt more free, as if nothing was holding them back.

Isaac tucked his head right back into Scott's chest.

The darkness in the room coated them with bliss and both Scott and Isaac fell asleep intertwined in their own love.