Rants, Life, And Shit I Think {{COMPLETED}}

So im 13 today

My camp had a field trip today and we went to Altitude which was fun but when we got back and started playing four square, some jackass ruined the awesome day I was having.....
His name is Jack, not mentioning his last name because privacy and anyway I am gonna put him in a book an kill him.
So here's what happened:
So we have a fucking stupid line that the people in line (or the people waiting to play) and we have to stand behind so we don't interfere with the game, yeah well instead of politely asking us to get behind the motherfucking line, he yells at us to get behind the line and since he said it so rude and bitchy I said, "No!" But then he comes around and says to me, "You know Jaylah, you're not all that tough. You act like your all tough but your not. You just talk."
For some reason that actually hurt me, because I try to be happy and tough because at any given moment someone can say something to me or leave me alone and I can just breakdown crying because I'm not that emotional stable. Thanks mom.
But that silenced me and I had a fucking bad day because of him.
He acts tough too. I just urgggggggggggggggg. He pissed me off so much. I had to blink back tears and tell myself not to cry so that he wouldn't think that he won but I think that he thinks he did. I silently flipped him off because I couldn't take anymore of his shit.
Well he was being Jack the jackass while we were playing. Pretty much everyone wanted to flip him off but they didn't because children were around. So while I was in line Jack was being well a Jackass, and he was being super obnoxious and it was to the point where I couldn't take it no more, so I said," Calm your tits dude. Calm your tits." And he shut up....until he got to be king again. I just hate him so much right now. He's such a nice guy but if you make him mad he will be such a Jackass.

But like he had to say,"You act tough but your really not." Just pissed me off and the fact that he said it in front of every fucking person made me pissed off even more.
I don't think he knows that talk and I laugh and act tough because inside I'm really not, and I don't want to be weak on both sides. But he acts tough, he does the same exact shit that I do. I wish I said something better than just staying silent and keeping my thoughts to myself. But then again it was probably a good idea to keep them to myself because if I hadn't I would've flipped him off so bad.
Like,"So what if I act tough? Maybe I'm not tough on the inside! But do you know me enough to say that? Do you fucking know me enough to say that? Doesn't everyone act tough? Including you? I'm pretty sure everyone acts tough, they may already be tough inside and out, but they can also be breaking inside. They can be covering up their sadness by acting tough or talking or laughing! Do you know what it feels like to be band by the law from seeing your parents? Do you know what it feels like when you realize your parents didn't want you? So they put you in foster care? Do you know what it feels like when you know that your parents are out living their lives and your sitting in your room, late at night, wondering what you did wrong for them not to want you? You know what? I don't give a fuck, just remember you don't know me enough to say that I'm not fucking tough!"

But you know what I really wanted to say directly to his face?

"You can't insult me, by telling me the things I already tell myself every single day."
Like seriously dude, I already know that I'm not as tough as I act, I'm not as strong as I want to be, I try to be strong and tough and happy but it's hard. You don't need to remind me, it's something stuck in my head and I already know.