Early Morning Glory | Harry Styles AU

/06/ introducing lukas

*edited 2020

 I was in the shower washing my hair when my phone began to ring but I ignored it. And then it rang again. And again. And again. Disturbed by how someone could break the solitude that one often seeks while showering, I crept into the cold air and grabbed my phone before answering. "What."

"Hey, Auden. It's Lukas." His deep voice rang in my ear.

"Yeah, I know, Luke. It's 2020, I have caller ID."

"Oh, right. Anyway, do you wanna get together tonight maybe?" I could hear the hope dripping from his voice.

"I can't. I started working nights remember?"

"Well, then maybe we could go out to lunch? After class?"

"Luke, I refuse to have sex with you in a public place. That's not my thing." I laughed.

"I know that but, I was thinking that maybe this time we could go out and not do the sex part."

Realization dawned on my face, "Oh. You mean like a date?"

"Yes."

"Uhm, sure," I sighed, "yeah, I guess we could do that."

"Okay, cool. I'll meet you in front of the west building?"

"Yeah, bye, Lukas." I hung up before he could say it back.

I met Lukas when he came into the shop a few months ago. When he asked me to help him look for a book we got to talking and it turned out that we both wanted to be novelists—but that was about the only thing we had in common. He was beyond sweet, the complete opposite to how blatantly bitter I can be, he didn't appreciate the wondrous effects that caffeine had on a person's soul, and his vocabulary was completely vacant of sarcasm. Once we started talking, he told me that his year long relationship with some girl had just ended and he wasn't in a place to date someone new yet. I hastily agreed that I was in the same boat and suggested that we make what was between us a purely physical exchange.

It was going great until about a month ago when he started asking me on a dates and one day I finally gave in. I only agreed because he kept trying to guilt-trip me about how unfair it was that we never got to spend any time together other than when we had sex and he took it as me not wanting to be friends, which I knew was a lie because friends didn't go out on dates.

I had been doing a great job avoiding him since summer started and I took the night shift. He was taking summer classes during the day and I was working at night and since I had become friends with Harry, I didn't really think about him—which was a problem since Luke was a hookup and Harry was a friend.

I spent the entire subway ride and walk to our non-existent campus thinking about what I was going to say to him, whether I was going to pretend that maybe something more could work between us or if I would be honest and tell him that there was nothing more and there never would be.

I could tell him that it wasn't him that was the problem, but that it was me—which wouldn't even be a lie. I did this all the time with the guys I 'dated' and by 'dated' I meant late night touching and talking with no labels and no attachments. I could never find it in myself to commit and I knew it was rooted in fear but Lucy liked to say my issues were because no guy was ever good enough.

I didn't want to hurt him—I never wanted to hurt any of them because even though I may not have had actual feelings for any of them, I did care about them. Him and I were real friends with some added benefits, some good benefits. I knew that no matter what I did his feelings would end up hurt. The truth wasn't going to help and neither was the pretending.