Guardian (Sequel to Fearless)

Chapter Eight

"I know," Iris answered, looking off into the distance. "But it was more than that. I was hollow. For two weeks after my father died, I said not a word to anyone. I pushed everyone away. It must've broken everyone around me, because I returned to find everything had gone to hell. I tried so hard to fix things. For months. It was so exhausting. Renna... I tried so hard to pick her up off the ground. It did nothing. How can you save someone who can't see you through the haze of drunkenness? And Zayn," she paused. "He tried. Gods bless him, he tried so hard too. He tried up until the moment I left. But shutting him out damaged him. I knew that it would, even while I was doing it... but I couldn't help it. I was devastated." The words that she'd been desperate to say spilled out like vomit. "It is all my fault. I've ruined the people I love --the people that love me."

Kayde chuckled, but it was humorless. "You and I know better than that. I thought you learned during the war that it was about time you stopped believing you were a waste. Don't pity yourself, dear girl. I say that as your friend. You are not hollow. You are not broken. You are a fire. And the fire yields to nothing. It swallows the obstacles in its path and they make it stronger." He paused. "You've ruined no one."

Iris appreciated his words. She shook her head, though. "And what of you?"

"What of me?" he asked.

She willed herself to say it, despite how uncomfortable the subject might be. "I hurt you, Kayde. I know I did. When you left me in Wallfront that night... what you said to me..." she paused, not wanting to delve into specifics. "It wasn't the same after that. When you came to Oraborn... you were so distant. Like we weren't good friends anymore. You say this is a good place to scream off the edge; how many times did you come here to do just that? Because of --because of me?"

He exhaled suddenly, not expecting those words. "Iris, girl, do we really want to go into all that? This soon?"

"And why not?" she asked. "The longer the horse lingers in the corner, the more uncomfortable it becomes to talk about it."

"That's one way of putting it," he snorted, and then sighed. "I was never mad at you for the decision you made. Bitter, yes. At the time. But you chose right for you. You love Zayn tremendously. I know that and I am happy for you, dear girl." He smiled wistfully. "Perhaps I did spend a few nights here, trying to clear my head from all that happened. You're right in that. But I am not broken. I have never been broken and I know that. I've always known that. And I am not ruined so stop feeling guilty, damn it. I've had time and I've healed. People do that." He took a breath and thought for a second. "Even as all-encompassing as it can be, love is not be-all end-all. If it's not worked at and properly cultivated, then it fades."

He looked out to the night now. "If they allow themselves, any person can move on and find love in someone else."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything," he countered. "And don't give up on yourself, either."

"And if I have?" She couldn't look him in the eyes as she said it.

He shook his head. "You haven't."

She let out a stark laugh, and it echoed throughout the night. "How could you possibly know that, Kayde? We've only just become acquainted again. You weren't there when my father died --you didn't see what it did to all of us. To me. How can you know?"

"Like I said, it's because you're a fire. You are spirited and you are a fighter. And if that doesn't convince you," he paused, "Because you're here."

"Because I'm... here?"

"Yes." He gave her a sort of smile. "You're here at this monastery and suffering gods know what at the hands of our dear Hench. You're training and finding yourself, just like you were before. And you know at the end of it, they're going to try and test the very strength of your spirit. They are going to try and break you into pieces at your trials but you're doing it despite knowing that to prove that you are worthy for what is undoubtedly one of the most honorable and selfless jobs you could have." He looked into her eyes. "I don't know many people that come here because they've given up on life... they come instead because they're alive, because they want to protect. They believe they have a contribution to make to humanity and so they make it."

Now, it was Iris's turn to chuckle, feeling coils of inspiration wrap around her soul again. It felt good to have them there. "Did anyone ever tell you that you give one hell of a pep talk?"

"I've been informed of that, yes. Seems it's a specialty of mine," he said. "Now... you've have your time to talk. You've also had your time to think and reflect and forget. Now I want you to stand up and yell whatever you please as loud as you can over this bluff. Yell and scream until you have no voice. Beseech your gods, let out your profanities, or shout out what you had for dinner... whatever. Just let it out. Trust me."

She trusted him. She yelled.

It felt good. She gave all her energy to it, releasing every bit of long pent-up emotion right into the wind. It started out as curses and then went to just plain shouting. After some time... her voice went hoarse. Her throat hurt like mad but her heart felt good.

"Better?" Kayde asked after he was sure she was finished.

She nodded. "Better."

"Good. Let's go then." He gestured back the way he came. "It's been a while since you and I have had a good spar, yes?"

Iris grinned in response. The first one she'd managed in a long time. Oh yes. Yes, indeed.

And so they began the trek back.

A/N - Thanks all for the read! Don't forget to let me know what you think!