Unexpected Feelings: Lingess

Coming Out

"Almost a year." Kim looked right at her mother, her voice smooth and quiet.

There was a brief uncomfortable silence, leaving just enough time for Erin to turn bright red. Marina just chuckled at her response.

Feeling frustrated and endlessly confused, Kim felt something snapped inside her. "What's so funny?"
"This is a phase Kimberly. You're probably just hurting that Adam broke off the engagement. In no time, you'll be back to normal."

Right now, Kim isn't sure who's her mom trying to convince. With one hand clutched in the other, she threw them in the air in rage. "First of all, I broke off the engagement with Adam. And second, normal? I'm sorry that I don't fit the 'standards' of normal to you but I can't deny the fact that I have feelings for a woman!" she yelled and pointed at Erin.

"We're good parents, Kimberly! We provided for you. Gave you everything you wanted. Paid for your college. What did we do wrong?"

Torn on how to respond, all Kim wanted was for her mother to understand that this was no one's fault. "Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. This is just how I am."

Finally, her mother's head snapped up sharply, nearly breaking off from her neck in order to glare at her daughter.
"No. It's not. I know you. I raised you. This isn't who you are, this is a choice you've made!" she viciously pointed a finger at her, "Being...gay is wrong, Kimberly. You know that. All those years of Sunday school hasn't thought you anything? The Lord doesn't want this for you! This lifestyle you've chosen...is humiliating ! You've sinned..." her mother said in disgust and cried softly for her daughter as she'll never be able to go to heaven.
'Great! Thanks. Like you haven't.' Kim thought and rolled her eyes.

Biting her tongue, Erin can tell Kim had to physically stop herself from bursting into tears. All she wants to do is run away from this house. She didn't expect it turn out this horribly.

Kim took a deep breath to compose herself and looked at her father for confirmation. "Daddy? Please say something."

His eyes were turned away but the shame was crystal clear. He was clearly ashamed of her.
"What do you want me to say, Kimmie? I feel sorry for the both of you. Your life will be difficult, people will judge...", Kim tried to hide the tear that had fallen down her cheek but Erin saw it.
"I don't know why you're doing this to us. I don't understand any of it and I don't understand you. You're both women. I don't know who's who?" he asked still looking away from her.
"Who's who?" she can't believe this was her father's concern. Now, she totally regretted coming out to her parents.
"Yea. You're both feminine girls and I don't know, I don't know...what you do..."
Erin's eyes grew wide at where the statement was headed to.
"What we do?" she repeated. This entire conversation seemed so silly to her.

"And I don't want to." he said waving his hand around, "You're my daughter and I just don't want to think about..."

A less joyful laugh escaped Kim. "Ohhhhh! You could've just asked if you wanna know how we have sex, Dad!"
"Kim." Erin said, trying to stop her from saying something inappropriate.

"It's ok. My dad wants to know what we do in bed."
Seemingly gaining a bit more confidence, Kim crossed her arms over her chest with a smug on her face as she turned back to her father. Erin braced herself for what's about to come and covered her face with her hands in embarrassment.
"Well, I'll let you know we don't only get it on in bed. Erin's amazing. Her tongue can-"

"Kimberly!! Stop it! Just stop it!" her father shouted. She clearly pissed him off.
Erin jumped as his fists met the table, making the plates and glasses topple over. Realising the level of his temper, he took a deep breathe to compose himself, to contain his anger.
"I didn't say anything wrong." Kim shook her head adamantly, sure to defend herself.

Her father now appeared detached from the situation. She knows it's his strategy for dealing with anything painful or uncomfortable.

"Why couldn't you just tell us you're a drug addict? At least that can be fixed..."
Kim 's eyes welled up in tears, "Fixed?" she breathes out, as if she'd been punched in the gut. "There's nothing wrong with me!!!!"

"Yes. There is!" Marina is furious now and so incredibly sure of it.
"Now let's face it, you can't have children normally. You will have all sorts of diseases. Have you even thought of the consequences? No, of course not. You were just thinking of yourself. What will people think of us? The church does not condone such lifestyle, Kimberly."

Kim sealed her lips and threw her arms out in surrender. They aren't going to be solving anything tonight.
"I'm tired of arguing with you, Kimberly. So tell me what do you want us to do?"

"I just want you to love me and accept me, accept us." Kim said in between sobs.

"May be if you go back to being normal, we might even forget this ever happened." her voice is low and quiet, enunciating each word purposefully.

"I can't do that, ma. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not just because you're ashamed of who I am!"

"Fine. Do what you want! You don't care about your parents or the church! It's your life, ruin it with her for all I care. As your parents, all we can offer is our help. You could go see a psychiatrist to help you with... Don't worry, your dad and I will pay for everything...I just want you to stop this, stop with this foolishness that she've clearly dragged you into."
That statement sounded somewhat accusatory to Erin but she controlled her anger in order to avoid dragging this argument out even longer.

Kim just sort of crumble and cried out even louder, they're going in circles now. "A psychiatrist! I'm not mental! This is not a disease or a disorder!"
Wanting to stay as far from her mother, Kim stepped backwards. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen from all the crying.

"From now on I only care what I think and what I do cuz you clearly don't! And if you don't like it then you can get out of my life. Believe me, I will not miss you. It will be a relief. If all you care about is the church more than you're own daughter, I will be happier when you're out of my life. I know I'm destroying every hope and dreams you have for me...I'm sorry. I really am but I can't." she said catching her breath.

"I don't know who you are anymore, Kimmie. And I don't know if I care anymore. Just leave before I do something stupid." her father stated. Even though his expression remained strong, his voice quivered.

Although it breaks her heart to leave her family, Kim does as she was told.

"So you're turning back on your family for her?" her voice cracked and Kim turned back to look at her mother.

"Her." Kim took Erin's hand in hers, "She is my girlfriend and I love her. You have no idea how much I love her. I've never felt this happy and so complete...ever. I'll do anything for Erin, literally anything."
'She loves me.' Erin thought and tried to blink away the tears that have blurred her vision. She've never heard Kim say those words before.
'She needs to know.' Suddenly, the guilt of what Jay had said weighed on her.

Before she could gather herself, Kim was already dragging her out the door.
"Well, ahh, it's nice seeing you Mr and Mrs Burgess." Erin said right before shutting the front door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kim spent the next few hours bawling her eyes out on her bed with Erin right next to her, calming her down.
"Your parents will come around."
"No, they won't. You saw how they were." she said as she wiped tears off her face.

Erin gently rubbed her back in circles with the hopes of comforting and calming her down. Nothing was helping because Kim was still hysterical.

"I don't know what to say babe." she said apologetically.
"You don't have to say anything. Just...lie down with me."

Erin shifted her position so she's laying next to her. She wrapped her arms around her, pulling her closer. The warmth of Kim's body caressing her soft skin. She could feel her chest expand and heaved as she continued on crying.
"Shh...it's gonna be ok...shh..." Erin tried soothing her.

As she kissed her hair while taking in the scent of cherry, Erin knew right then and there that she loves her too.