V I G I L A N C E ~ (MCU) ~

C H A P T E R 2 1_

He shuts his eyes as if to say "yeah I thought so" and then takes it, drinking one gulp. "...I never got to properly... apologize Esther I know that won't mean anything to you—"

"It does... It wasn't your fault and you being so hard on yourself about it is enough for me." I rest my arm on my propped up knee. I try not to pull the memory of that tragedy back. I have grown so much since then it seems like ages ago.

"But nothing could make that okay... not even a stupid mind control magic trick."

"If mind control meant you earned no forgiveness then Paul wouldn't have existed. Demons, mind control, Thanos, Satan, it's all the same... We are all in the dark and we all have our own demons. Some are different than others. But it doesn't make us unforgiveable or unable to receive mercy and redemption... Not in my eyes..." I look down, "...or His..."

He is looking at me now... perhaps thinking that I may be describing someone else. But at the same time very surprised I could forgive him after how I reacted when we first met.

"I see God's mercy through you, Esther. You may want to be hardcore at times but you've changed. You're someone completely different and everyone sees it... And you've changed him..."

I look at him, knowing he's speaking of Loki.

"Thor's right. You've brought him back... and that's given us all some hope." He looks into the setting sun.

I look down and want to smile a bit, remembering when Thor told me back on the Helicarrier about his hope that I could revive his brother and make him whole again.... Have I gotten that far yet? I'm not completely sure... but I will get there. I know there's a promise of forgiveness and renewal for him.

"...But if you really do forgive me... I'm not sure how to thank you enough... I know I don't deserve that."

"We are not good, Clint," I look at him. "We have good in us but without each other we cannot be good. There are things we all regret and things we shouldn't blame ourselves for. Our lives aren't in our own hands. You are forgiven, Barton but I tell you that I know now it really wasn't your fault... can you forgive yourself? For all of it?"

He looks at me with a serious gaze as he thinks on that and doesn't know how to reply at first... "...I will... in time."

I nod and look down. I know this is settled between us, and the closure feels very good. I know now that he's just depressed from our conversation so I do what I do best and try to cheer him up now that he doesn't have anything to be sad about. I don't want that.

I get up and plop beside him on the rubble. "So tell me, how do your kids like having a spy for a dad?" I smile.

He chuckles and looks down, grinning. He is about to speak when his eyes catch someone and he looks behind him.

I look over my shoulder at Thor who stands there. He looks confused as he furrows his brows in a serious way. "Loki's... missing."

I mirror his expression slowly and then stand up. "What do you mean 'he's missing'?" I demand almost angrily.

"All I know is no one can find him, my lady."

Clint is standing now too as I approach Thor. "Did anyone see him walk off? He can't possibly..." my eyes drift as I try to think.

"We've searched the entire base. We were hoping he might be with you but... it seems he is no where to be found at all."

My eyes widen as I think where could he have gone... and then it hits me... He wouldn't... right?