Love Arranged (#1)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Evan

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

That is not how I expected that whole ordeal to have ended. I mean, I didn't expect it to end well, to begin with, because it was obvious the only possible outcome of that situation was nothing but an inevitable dispute between Beth and me.

However, what just happened was too disastrous that until now I'm still not able to process it because holy shit, did I fuck up big time.

What's worse? I have no idea how I'm gonna fucking fix all of this.

Sue me, okay? I didn't really rationalize the sequence of possibilities of how this confrontation could've ended, but one thing's for sure is that I didn't prepare myself for this.

Plus the fact that I need to meet up with Maggie after this isn't helping. Great, just fucking great.

I knew I should've just trusted my intuition when it told me to wait until I've sorted out this whole problem with her, knowing she could handle her best friend better than me.

I haven't talked to Beth in basically a year and I can't believe I was stupid enough to think I would be able to just talk to her like we were good old friends.

What I didn't realize is how much a person can change within the span of a year, or maybe she hadn't changed at all. Maybe this side of her has always been there right before she even met me and maybe the oblivious part of me was just way too delusional, thinking that her past infatuation with me is somehow gonna lessen the blow of her reaction.

Because it fucking didn't that's for sure.

I knew I should've waited but my irrationality wanted this whole thing to be over and done with, and maybe I shouldn't have let it take over me despite the overwhelming pressure to close this chapter of my life, considering I wanna start the new one with Maggie.

Maggie, who had just started to warm up to me to the point that she might actually give the possibility of us being together a chance.

I just wanted to be better for her but I guess I rushed it way too quickly.

Sure enough, everything came back to bite me in the ass because it seems as though Beth wasn't completely on board with the idea of me finally turning over a new leaf.

I don't know if I have even fully grasped her anger at my confession saying that I was finally willing to become a better person because of Maggie.

Maybe because she wanted me to change and it just didn't happen. Which I guess is why it never worked out with her, because she was so adamant on the idea of molding me into this person she knew I didn't wanna be. She was so fixated on the idea of becoming the girl who would finally change me for the better when all I ever really needed was acceptance.

Which resulted in me being so bitter, and that doesn't excuse what I did to her at the end, all I'm saying is that it was never really meant to be because we both wanted different things.

I guess that's where the frustration may have come from because she did all that she could to make me into a better person and yet I didn't become one, but somehow here comes Maggie, and just like that things took a turn for the unexpected.

What made it different this time is because we didn't really expect anything from one another. We were both royally messed up in our own way and we didn't really think much of how this engagement was gonna impact our non-progressive relationship in the beginning, but then it gradually started to. To the point that it made us closer together.