Festering Wounds

Scars

Everyone stares at me, they whisper to their little friends like I’m the next gossip magazine edition. They cup their hands over their mouths and chatter spreading lies like wildfire. As I walk past I can make out my name, Ella. Everyone stays out of my way, too afraid to cross paths with the terrifying me. But whatever; I’m used to the stares and the gossip girl’s, But I’m not used to everyone behaving this way. But today is different. They don’t know what happened to me, they don’t know the truth, and they know nothing about me. I hurry’s down the hall, head down and books held tight to my chest. Too afraid to look up and meet the gaze of someone. In general my main emotion is fear.

I got to her first class of the year without breaking down. I took her favorite seat in the back next to the window. The sunlight streaming through the windows reflected on the test tubes, the whole room was a flame of diamonds. I smiled for the first time in ages. But it quickly disaggregated as the rest of the class flooded the room before the bell rang. Everyone was laughing or talking. Holding hands or hugging. The joy of seeing your friends after the summer has ended still in the air. The students filtered into their usual seats next to their friends. I paid no attention to them I knew that no one would want to sit next to me. And no one did.

The AP Chemistry teacher came in and wrote her name on the board, Mrs. Sunder, Mrs. Sunder was a bright cherry red head with the look of fresh college graduation. She clapped her hands and took out a clipboard, “Okay whose excited!” there was no response, but her smiling face never faltered. She began introducing herself, then door flew open and I looked up from my notebook. Bad idea. Memories from last year came flooding back.

It was 3 weeks until summer vacation, I was sitting with my friend Sara when the door burst open and a boy from the lacrosse team stood there with a panicked look, “Ella!” He called to me. I watched him with course eyes as he ran to my lab table, he looked so panicked. “You need to come now.”

I snapped out of it when I heard the sound of a metal stool scraping agents the floor. I turned to look at him. He was the boy.

His brown wavy hair fell across his eyes, his jaw was taut and his bold blue eyes were watching me. We sat in silence him staring at me and me looking straight ahead, whishing it all to go away.  Mrs. Sunder started taking attendance, when she called out Ethan Holden. “Here” he mumbled.  Ella Gunther “Here” I said barely audible. My head was full of monsters and words, things I wanted to forget. My head was spinning. I gripped the edge of my stool and squeezed my eyes shut. But the world continued to spin. I couldn’t take it anymore. I picked up my books and ran for the door. Ethan was the last person I wanted to see. Half the room was gasping and whispering, I didn’t care. I had to leave or everything would fall apart. The hallway was empty and I ran for the school doors and kept running and didn’t stop till I was breathless. I found myself at the trail head that lead to the back of my house. I started walking down the trail and went home for the day.  

Hours later Ella had found herself wondering the trails in the woods aimlessly. She knew were most trails lead. The left fork would take her to the highway or the back of the thrift shop. The right fork had not been explored yet. She walked along listing to the quite peacefulness of the forest. This is her safe space were nothing can hurt her, she still feels hurt.

The next day everyone forgot me like I was old news. They stayed out of my way occasionally giggled as I walked by but they stopped. I sat in AP Chemistry always looking out the window. I never looked at Ethan and he never talked to me or anyone for that matter. We had this unspoken agreement on group projects were he did the first half of the questions and I did the other half, he would do every-other experiment. My favorite class became a dreaded nightmare of never looking up. Why did it have to be him? I wondered. But at the same time I was happy. Unlike the rest he never asked questions, never stared, never did anything to hurt me ever. He was a good person but I can’t be around him without remembering what I want to forget. Today I forgot.