The Angel of the Ocean

Turning Point

One, two, three. I counted the seconds as I inhaled deeply in a desperate last minute attempt to steady my nerves and calm the frantic thoughts that were racing through my mind.

Dr. Richards stood at the entrance to one of the many rooms, smiling brightly at me. Her long chestnut hair was draped over one shoulder as she looked briefly down at her notes before ushering me in the door. My body jumped slightly as I heard her close the door behind her. It was only the two of us now sitting opposite each other. It felt as if I was in some kind of stand-off with her. The adrenaline was pumping through my veins. My legs shook, but I was not certain whether this was because of my apprehension about what was to come or if it was a flight response to the situation. I desperately wanted to run, however, I stilled myself knowing that such a reaction would more than likely guarantee that the psychologist would describe me as sick or something.

"Emilia," she spoke slowly, her soft voice instantly lessening the fear coursing through my body. "My name is Victoria. I know this has been a stressful time for you, but I am simply hear to listen." She paused to look at me, I could feel her eyes studying me, trying to gauge my reaction. I nodded back to her, uncertain of how she wanted me to respond. "This is a safe place, where there will be no judgement. I can also promise that anything we speak about will not go outside the four walls of this room, unless it is necessary for your safety. Is that alright with you."

I thought back to the times when my own safety was the least of my concerns. My eyes filled with tears as I remembered how Drew had told me that it wasn't my time yet. I could not comprehend how it could be her time, but not mine. We had promised each other that we would do everything together. She was supposed to be my bridesmaid when I got married, godmother to my first child and my best friend for my whole life. We had our whole future planned together and now our dreams were shattered. There was no cure to solve, no doctor could prescribe medicines to undo what had happened. Nothing would change it, but it had already changed my entire life. As this thoughts worked their way into my mind, I could feel the tears beginning to trickle down my face. I had promised myself that I wouldn't do this, that I wouldn't give her the impression that I was not coping. However, the more I tried to fight against the overwhelming emotion and hold back the tears, the worse they became. My breathing became more laboured, the tears increased from a light trickle to a flowing stream running down the bridge of my nose before pausing at my chin and falling.

"I'm sorry," I stuttered. "I just miss her." Dr. Richards reached across to me and held eye contact with me as she reached across the table and placed her hand on top of mine.

"Please don't apologise Emilia. From what your mother has told me you and Drew were very close. It's not fair on anybody when they have to go through something like this, but it must be horrific at your age."

I was thankful that she didn't force me to speak. We both sat there in silence for the next few minutes but it calmed me.

"Why don't you take me back Emilia. Tell me about how you met Drew." For the first time in days my lips creeped into a smile as I thought back to the first day of primary school. The story spilled from my mouth. I had thought about it so much recently that I didn't need to pause to think about the order of events.

Doctor Richards never spoke as I retold the story. Afterwards, she asked me to continue detailing our friendship in the early days. I was happy to talk about those moments. I knew that I wouldn't feel the same when she asked me to speak of the day of the accident, so I would avoid that for as long as possible.

As I neared the end of detailing the first time Drew came to my house, I saw Doctor Richards glancing up at the clock above my head. Over an hour had passed, but it certainly didn't feel that long.

"I'm really sorry Emilia, but I'll have to end our session for today. We have already gone over time and I have another client waiting." I noted the use of the word client instead of patient. As much as the waiting room had seemed like a hospital, very little else about the experience had given me that feeling and I was extremely thankful for that.

As I stood up Doctor Richards reached across and warmly shook my hand. "I think this has been a good start and I am very grateful for you to share so openly with me, I hope we can continue the same next week."

I exited the room, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. I felt lighter. My mother had said that she would be in the waiting room when I finished.

"Do you want to go home now darling?" she asked. I knew she was anxious to know how it went, but I honestly had no idea what to say, so I was grateful for the question.

"I was wondering if we could grab a milkshake on the way home?" Her eyes widened at the question, it had been near impossible for her to convince me to go anywhere recently, yet there I was making a suggestion. Not only that, but the ice-cream bar was somewhere that Drew and I had frequented. It may have only been the first visit to the psychologist, but I felt like I needed to begin to get some of my old life back. After all that's what Drew would have wanted.

"Of course baby." Mum pulled me into a tight hug as the young boy sitting in the corner stood up as his name was called by the receptionist. I hadn't noticed him previously as he was sitting in the back of the room on his own. I pulled away from her, mildly embarrassed that someone of my own age had just witnessed me hugging my mother.

As we pulled into the ice-cream parlour, the many memories and laughs that I shared there with Drew came flooding back to me. I think a part of me expected to see her sitting in our favourite window booth when I entered. I desperately wanted to see her again.