I'm Not The Girl You Used To Know

Chapter 4: Confession

I took a seat farther to them. I took a plate and grabbed a pizza from the box. Before eating it, I poured myself a glass of orange juice then sat back to my seat to eat. Brian was telling us about his case at work. He told us about how challenging it was because it was one of the hard case he had after a while.

I didn't give a damn and just ate my pizza. It tasted great actually. I should totally had Hailey try this. We both loved pizzas. Though she was on strict diet, she always made an exception.

After finishing my pizza, I got up and took my plate to the sink to wash it. I drank my whole juice and washed it as well. I could feel two pairs of eyes staring at me but I didn't care.

"Uh, Linda", I heard Brian called me when I was about to walked out from the kitchen.

"What?", I asked rudely, too rude I guessed.

He seemed surprised at my voice but continued. "Can we talk?",

"I have homework", I said, turning to my heels.

"Belinda", Brian called my full name loud enough to scare me. He only called me that when he was angry.

I turned around and put my arms against my chest, glaring at him.

"I need to know what's going on with you", Brian finally said with low voice.

"Nothing's go-", I said but he cut me.

"Just cut the bull, ok? I knew something's going on with you since you got here. You've been acting strange and you barely talk to me. I don't even know who you are now", he let out those words with anger.

"I'm not acting strange. This is who I am" I scowled.

"I know you Linda. And you're not this person"

"Well, I'm different now. I'm not that sweet, stupid, whiney little girl  you knew anymore. I'm strong, independent woman who doesn't give a damn what people think about me", I stated.

Brian was shocked at what I just said. I bet Ethan was too because his mouth was wide open.

Brian shook his head. "No, you can't be. You're just acting like that in front of me. You're still my lovely sister".

I scoffed. "Why should I act it? I've told tou, this is who I am now, like it or not and I'm happy about it. I hated the girl I used to be"

Brian still shook his head, disbelief. "Why? Why do you change?"

I inhaled before I answered him. "Because it's easier than feeling the fact that I've lost my family"

Brian scoffed. "So, this is what about, huh? It's about mom and dad".

"Who says it's just about them?"

He looked at me confused. "What do you mean?"

I still stood there, not answering him until he realized.

"Do you mean me?", Brian asked, disbelief. "What have I done?"

I lifted my head to the ceiling fighting the urge to cry. "Wow, you don't even remember", I said, my voiced cracked as I glaring at him.

"First week after they sent me to boarding school, I wrote to you. Everyday. About mom and dad, and how terrible my first day was, how I hated the school but you didn't reply. I kept writing to you for almost a year, but still no news from you. After that I realized that not just mom and dad left me. You left me too", I slowly said my feelings out, my tears flowing uncontrollably.

I wipe some of my tears away and continued. "After a year I stopped writing to you. I was upset and hurt that my family didn't care about me. So, to ease the pain, I started to change. I didn't care about people's feelings anymore. I managed to find a friend who always there for me, I was popular and everybody love me, I got everybody wrapped in my fingers who did whatever I asked. And slowly, the pain was gone"

Brian also had tears already. "Linda, I'm so sorry that I never wrote to you. It was just.... it was so hard to write back. Trust me, I wanted to, but you had no idea what I had been through. I'm sorry that you had to go to the boarding school. I wished I could ask dad to stay with me instead"

"Well, too bad that I'm not sorry that I was in that school, because it actually made me happy again. And you said I didn't know what you had been through? I know, OK? But that's what siblings are for. They're always there for each other. I reached for you, and you weren't there"

"Just because I wasn't there doesn't mean that you had to change yourself into this person", he shouted. "I was in hell too, but at least I never change who I am"

"What do you expect? You want me to be the girl 5 years ago? Well, I'm sorry to become such a major disappointment to you, but this, the new me is the one you should accept now", I said between my clenched teeth.

I walked out from the kitchen and headed to my room. I threw myself on the sheets and cried my eyes out. I hadn't been crying for years. It sucked to feel like this. It was for the weak.

Slowly I sat up on my bed, and wiped my tears. I closed my eyes then inhaled and exhaled. I opened my eyes and felt myself being calm.

I stood up and went to the bathroom to wash my face and brushed my teeth. I need to sleep it off.

I changed into pajamas and laid myself on the bed. I set my Ipod and put the earbuds on to help me sleep. After a few songs, I'd drifted to sleep.