In the blink of an eye

Chapter 10: Failure

Jade's POV:

Over the last few days my state of health got drastically worse, so since my brother was anyway in town the doctors decided that a blood stem cell transplantation would be helpful. The surgery was already 3 days ago and I'm still not feeling any better, which leaves all of us very frustrated. 
I feel so guilty and I know I don't have any influence on my body but my brother especially gave me his stem cells and we also paid a lot of money to make this surgery possible and now it didn't even help. I'm just done being the pitiful person I am right now. I want to be the old Jade again. But no matter what and how hard we try,nothing is helping. So why even trying anymore? It would save us a lot of money and time. The treatment I'm getting isn't making me feel any better so far, if it does one thing it's making me feel worse. The pain is sometimes unbearable and I see my daughter so little these days. Perrie is most of the time with me but I know it's getting hard for her as well. She knows as well that I'm not really getting better.She's been crying a lot these past days but she wouldn't tell me that.Instead she is just laying by my side day after day waiting for me to get better.

I laid awake for a few hours I guess,the pain in my stomache kept me awake, before Perrie's beautiful eyes fluttered open and I could see how she cried yet again last night.

,,Hey baba. You feel any better?" She said with a piece of hope shining in her eyes. I shook my head and the hope disappeared and was replaced with sadness.

,,We just have to wait I guess. Tomorrow will be the day!" I couldn't bring myself to answer as we both knew that this was lie. She's been saying that for the last 3 days and nothing has changed.The surgery failed and we both knew it.

Interrupting our silence,somebody knocked on the door but entered before we could say anything. Appearing in the door frame were my two best friends with some food for Perrie and huge smiles on their faces.

,,Hello our favorite Geordies!" They said overly enthusiastic obviously trying to lighten the mood in the room. As we still said nothing Jesy gave Perrie her breakfast who silently took it.

,,So Jadey how are you doing?" I was not really in the mood to talk about me being a failure so I flipped the topic to Maddie who has been staying with Lesy since the surgery.

,,How's Maddie? Is she being a good girl?" The three girls shared some glances concerning my topic change but eventually let it drop.

,,She is great. She's been asking for you two but she's behaving very well." Jesy said.

,,You should go take her home with you Pez." I said to Perrie directed,who only nodded. She wasn't really talkative today. She's probably realising as well what a disappointment I am and is getting fed up with my health not improving one single bit. I mean just a few months ago she had a great life and now she is in all this bullshit with me. I slowly turned away from the other three girls,closed my eyes and left them alone with the conversation. Maybe, just maybe the pain will be gone when I wake up the next time.

It wasn't the pain that was gone when I next woke up, it was Perrie. The pain was even worse now, every position was uncomfortable and made me wince out. I know I told Perrie to go and be with Maddie and all that stuff but waking up with her simply gone is just a stupid feeling. I know I'm a burden for her right now but I still love her and although I know I should leave her alone so she can have her nice,relaxed life again,I just can't. Why can't I be like most of the people and get better? Why can't the treatment just do what it's supposed to do? I just want to be at home with my girlfriend and daughter again.I don't want Perrie to waste her time here in the hospital with me when I'm anyway not getting better at all, she should be with our daughter who is growing up so fast. But I do miss her when she isn't here and I wish I could just not be such a burden and be with the two of them.