Nora

Chapter 4: Markets and Diners

I’ve always had this thing about smells. I just love smells. I know, I know I’m a freak. I think everyday I realise how weird I am. I kinda new before the whole cancer thing but I was trying so hard to be normal, to survive that I wasn’t as weird. No, I was actually its just I think I ignored it or suppressed it. But now that I’ve got no hope for survival even if I am make a kick arse to do list I’m just letting my inner freak flag fly. Starting with my love of scents.

Smells are just so enticing, so intimate, so personal and so universal. No smell is really ever the same. There are bad smells and good smells. I’m not into mainstream smells like freshly cut grass or the smell of summer. I like the smell of water. But water doesn’t have a smell I hear you saying. Oh no my friend water has a smell. Next time you come across a water bottle stick your nose in there and smell. It is the most delicious smell you’ll ever come across. I also love the smell of old leather and new books and fresh sheets and hair. Girls have the best smelling hair. It’s always different. Sometimes its raspberries and sometimes its apples.

However this morning I can smell humiliation.

It’s a slightly tangy smell with undercurrents of shame and misery. Not something everyone likes, I certainly don’t but you know maybe with an experienced nose it can be appreciated.

I made my way down to the beach this morning and sat on the beach as I did yesterday in the hope that Nora would run past and we could casually converse. Sadly I waited there for an hour and a half and no Nora passed me.

I wanted to go down to the bookstore but then I realised that she would know that I haven’t finished the books I bought by today and would just be going down there to see her. Now I may be going a little nutty but I do have some dignity, some. I’ll have to wait another week before I can go down there to buy more books if I don’t want to seem eager.

So my only option is to wait on the beach for her. But what if she doesn’t run regularly? What if yesterday was a one off? What if she runs at different times? So what did I do for the rest of today? Let’s see, I walked back up to the beach house and got myself some breakfast very quickly might I add. Then I sat on the porch all day. Watching the beach. Waiting for Nora. Did I see her no? Did I just waste one of the few precious days I have left? Well yes kind sir I did.

Hence me smelling my own humiliation. It stinks.

“Riley sweetheart would you like some more potato’s?” Mom asks me looking worried.

“No thanks,” I say piercing a pea and watching its insides pour out.

“You have barely eaten all day. Why did you stay out on the porch all day? You weren’t even reading.” Mom is giving me a strange look.

“Just appreciating the scenery, the weather, the earth, the planet, the days, the sun, the wind, the rain and the sand.” I say.

Mom’s eyes widen and she looks over at Dad who is lovingly cutting up his steak. “Riles are you alright.”

“Perfect.”

“Darling if you’re feeling anything…well you know you can always tell us. There’s things that the Doctor can give you that will help.” Mom is looking over at Dad willing him to pay attention.

“You mean anti-depressants? Mom I am not depressed. Plus aren’t they for like suicidal people? It’s not really going to matter if I top myself now is it? I’ll be dead in six months is me cutting it short by another five a big deal?” I should’ve stopped at me not being depressed but sometimes I open my mouth and can’t stop moving my lips.

Mom sucks in a breath and looks at me stunned. “Riley,” she breathes.

I sigh and push my chair back, “I’m finished. May I be excused?”