fragments

Please Add title

I'm not going to lie this is like 90% me talking and 10% Scott and Mitch soo feel free to skip or stay for me being sad! Xoxo

               
                     Too good/Troye Sivan

My first encounter with Scott was rather a weird one.

He stormed into my life without asking for consent the same way the sun brakes through a cloudy day.

'Hi is this Mitch Grassi?'

'Yes.'

'I'm your new roommate.'

And that was exactly what my life was.
A cloudy day.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like those cliché stories where he turned my life upside down and everything magically became happy.

My life is still a cloudy day and will probably be for a long time.

Let's all face it, fairy tail love is not a thing. At least not to my knowledge.

That's why I fell in love with Scott.

He knew he couldn't change the way I think but he still loved me as much as he could.
And that's what love is to me.

Love is not riding off to the sunset on a white horse, all smiles and kisses. Love is the fights, the tough times and the sadness and how you tolerate it.

You can't always just get through it.

Even though I started calling my self a 'sort of writer' very recently, I've been a writer practically my whole life.

Just not in the traditional way.

I created stories and situations just to impress people I shouldn't want to impress until they got so realistic even I started to believe them.

I didn't need to do that with him.

I remember lying about the first time I got rejected by a boy, too shy and heartbroken to reveal the truth.

"This is not working out"

The phrase lingered with me every time I woke up and every time I went to bed, haunting me throughout the day.

Theoretically, sadness is a concept. Mind over matter they say. I control the way everything makes me feel therefore sadness is a choice.

That is the perfect way to dismiss someone's feelings by the way.
And that's exactly what I did to myself.

Scott didn't do that to me.

In my mind, life is a never ending circle of heartbreak.

You meet someone and you fall in love, you feel the connection and that familiar buzz.
You feel your legs go weak and your stomach turn and you think 'hey, this could be the start of something new. This could finally be it'

And so it goes, you go on a date and another one and another one and many more until you realize you are head over hills for this person.
So you believe it's love. You believe that this is it, you're finally settling down for a while, maybe a couple months or maybe a couple of years.

And then it stops. Something turns off and you go back to drunken hookups with strangers only to see the 'love of your life' getting married on Facebook.

I hope he doesn't do that to me.

I remember the first time I let Scott read through my stuff, he hugged me.

He held me close, perhaps hoping that if he held me long and close enough he would put me back together.

And for a split second I let my self go; allowing a single tear to fall on his shirt.

I remember his hands roaming over my naked chest afterwards, tracing invisible lines like he was the artist and I was his canvas, blank and ready to be painted on.

He didn't know that I was painted on. If heartbreak was paint then god was I a very colorful painting.

I regretted the sappy pages I dedicated to him afterwards. Although he wasn't in my room with me anymore I kept him present in my writing.

The next morning I threw the pages away. Pages made out of love and promises meant to be broken.

Every promise is made to be broken.

You can't love someone forever, the same way you can't promise someone the world or you can't surely say that you love them more.

It's true one always loves more, cares more, gives more. The funny thing is that every human thinks it's always them.

Truth is, you can never know.

If I want to be honest with my self, I'm deeply in love with Scott Hoying and the way he seems to be erasing the paint from my canvas.

He claims to be in love with me too.

For now, this is the end of my story.

Please Add Title.