Infinite, Sometimes

6

            Countless minutes were spent silently awaiting the sting to the ears from a ringing bell in the hallway, and Ryan considered himself a mess of thoughts. He sat still, breathing, waiting, and not for a second did he let go of Brendon's hand. Any reservations he may have had about taking his friend's hand were completely washed away with the tears that were starting to evaporate from the boy's face.

Brendon tightened his grip several times throughout the remainder of the class, squeezing quickly and slowly letting go, each grasp reminding him that someone cared. Finally, Brendon was able to relax. He appeared so calm that he could have been mistaken for being asleep had it not been for the constant movements of his lip as it slid in and out of his mouth, his teeth grazing the delicate skin each time before and after they bit down. He was beginning to calm down even though his heart was pounding with such force that he heard a pulsing, raspy rush in his ears, making it easy for him to ignore the lecture that he didn't want to pay attention to. He couldn't help but to feel ashamed even though he knew that nobody else could hear the pounding in his chest and ears. It was loud to him, but he had still stopped trying to make himself completely invisible.

Brendon could feel Ryan's eyes tracing his every feature and he hoped Ryan would not let go. Though loose, Brendon's fingers folded over and rested gently on the back of Ryan's bony hand, his friend's thumb completely trapped in the circle created by his thumb and forefinger. Their hands sat comfortably entwined on top of Ryan's leg until the quick outburst of the bell prompted one last awkward squeeze from each boy before they both reluctantly let go.

Brendon kept his eyes focused on the surface of the table while he waited for the rest of the class to make their quick exit. Ryan stayed behind as well, hoping for words or facial expressions but being completely blindsided by the coldness when Brendon left the room in a hurry with not so much as a goodbye. Ryan tried to follow him, only to realize that it was of no use once Brendon ducked into the restroom.

Ryan found himself frozen and confused in the middle of the hallway. Bodies pushed past him and their quick contact kept him from standing still. Realizing that he was in the way, he started to force his feet to move, sloppily pushing himself forward while he stared at the bathroom door until it was no longer possible to keep his eyes casually turned in the proper direction. He decided to try to abandon his emotions for a couple minutes and just focus on finding his seat in the cafeteria. He knew that study hall would provide a good fifty minutes for a flood of thoughts to drown him. Exhaling loudly, annoyed, he joined a large group of students at the front of the cafeteria. They were gathered around several copies of a seating chart, quickly looking for their last names on one of the circles that symbolized the tightly packed tables. Ryan found his name on the same circle as "K. Roberts" and he made his way toward the back of the cafeteria, mentally scolding the school system for poor planning. Twisting and turning sideways, he knew that the solution of "add more tables" would soon stop solving the problem of "too many students," but until the tax levy passed, he knew the students would continue to be treated like sardines.

He sat down at his table in the second to last row and waited for Brendon, who we knew had to show up sooner or later, even if he was unsure of where he would be sitting. He still had not caught Brendon's last name. Ryan hoped that study hall would be a little more relaxed than it always had been at his other school because he was sick of trying to pretend to work on homework that he didn't really have. 'K. Roberts' seemed to come out of nowhere and he gave Ryan a friendly nod as he sat down. Ryan bent and cracked his fingers under the table while he slightly bounced around in his chair to the beat of the music in his head. He concentrated on the imagined sound and let it ease his mind. A red blur caught his eye and he stopped moving, now watching Brendon move to the table next to his in the last row. Ryan turned toward him slightly and waited for some sort of acknowledgement.