Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
Alright...the details dote on her a little too much. I'd dial back on the adjectives.
skinny (89 pounds not anorexic) but curvy (36C cup breasts), medium size height (5"2),
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Yeah no. Your character may not be anorexic, but she sure as hell is underweight. I even compared her to a Japanese BMI (body mass index) chart, which is stricter than its American counterpart, and she still failed. Feed her some food. Also, if she's so skinny where is she going to get curves and C cup breasts? Petite women generally don't get much in the chest department. Her body proportions just don't make sense.
There's also the fact that she's eleven so that's another factor playing against her unrealistic body proportions.
medium size nails,
What? Why is this here. It's more irrelevant than her weight.
Your readers most likely don't care how long your character's nails are.
Here's a picture of Tenshi so I can skip the long paragraph of outfit description.
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The author makes no mention as to where her art came from. I seriously hope you did it yourself or else there's going to be a problem.
Unfortunately Tanuki, this is in fact a recolor. Just look at the dress, especially around the chest region. You can see all the scribbles that she made to make it black.
GOD DAMMIT.
Since I'm an artist, I'm very familiar with the frustrations of people using my art and either not giving me credit or just flat out claiming it as theirs. Please for the love of all that is holy, give the artist credit! I'm not implying that you're trying to take credit for the art, all I'm imploring you to do is just list the name of the artist in your story.
Personality: Mostly quiet, somewhat scared, shy, intelligent, a quick thinker, wise, caring, kind, Somewhat masochistic and sadistic (when aline on missions or her friends get hurt),
Ah, of course. The classic "I'm a shy, innocent little girl, but when you hurt my friends I turn into a monster!" personality trait. This has been done more times than I can count. Everyone likes to defend their friends. It's not necessarily worth mentioning. Also, she's wise at the age of eleven? I would never call a pre-teen child wise. They don't have the experience yet.
