journals ✎ jb.

three - hold tight

**see if you could spot the lyrics I used/ the resemblance in the song to this chapter (-;**

hold tight

- I miss you. How many calls, messages and said time meet-ups is it going to take for you to realize just how much I want you back? For you to realize that we need each other more than we even think. Damn. Do you even realize how much you got me around your little finger?

It's like I am in a trance, like I was the one who got hit with Cupid's stupid arrow, but you somehow dodged his hit. I need you right near me; do you even feel the same?

The first time in weeks I actually forced myself out of my house was just to go to your house in the middle of the night. To only be turned down, again. Pathetic in my part? Yeah, pretty much. But it's an improvement than just staying locked behind a door from everyone.

"I'm sorry, but you have to leave," You looked so beautiful that night. First time I saw you in many weeks. You looked good— healthy, happy. I probably looked like crap in your eyes, but I could care less. It was hard walking out, felt like my feet were stuck to the ground using crazy glue. I didn't want to go, but I promised in the beginning that I'd always make you happy. And at that moment when I looked into your eyes, seeing me gone is what looked to make you happy. So I slowly, but surely complied.

What happened to the days where you wanted me with you? Where you begged me stay with you— hold onto you tight throughout the night. Where your lips didn't want to let go of mine.

"Please, move on, you need to just move on," I remember I heard you say. I let my mind sink in how desperate you sounded. 'I want to, but it's so damn hard.'

I won't deny it, there was many great memories we had. How could I let you go so easily? You were the best I've ever had, always wanting you around my arm to show you off like a brand new wristwatch.

And at night when you weren't near me, I'd toss and turn— your place is where I rather be instead. You don't know how much strength you hold against me, say as you're my other half. My life revolves around you, and I am scared because of that. I am scared on how much I care for you, how much impact you have on my life. Missing you is like adrenaline. Why get high when there's you?

You are the star, and I am your number one fan, and it's making it harder on me because you will always come first in my part. A monster is what you should visualize to show just how bad you are to me because you made me obsessed. This breakup should have affected the same way it did with all my other ex-girlfriend's breakups— not feeling the pain in my chest when they ended our relationship, but with you— oh God.

I need to maintain myself, you were right. So I need to turn away; I need to erase you from my head. I wish I would've sobered up sooner to finally realize that I need to move on ahead with myself. Yeah— move on. That seems like the best way to finally be happy with myself rather than just moping around. Will I be able to do it? Hell yeah I can, but it won't be easy. This time I am going to have to try, give it all I can because I know it'll be worth it in the end when I'm free from a broken heart.

All of you guys better hold tight if you want to keep up with all the ups and downs that this rollercoaster of a life will bring to you. Just hold on tight.

- - -

finished. :D

ya'll still with me? 😂 thanks for being veryyy patient with my guys! i love you :*

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