journals ✎ jb.

two - all that matters

**see if you could spot the lyrics I used (-;**

all that matters

- Three AM was displayed on the digital clock on my nightstand as I sighed and rested my head back on my pillow. Another night of not sleeping, I guess.

I always seem to knock-out around the early morning times, around four or five and/or sometimes six, it's been like this over the past hell weeks. I shouldn't be used to that type of weight on me, but my body somehow adapted to that way. I've became a night owl, I sleep through the daylight, stay awake all night.

My eyes ached, they were sore and heavy and I couldn't even imagine what I looked like through someone else's vision, but looking pretty in someone else's eyes were the least of my worries anyways at the moment, considering I haven't interacted with as much people since I shut myself off from everyone else, everything else, I've become remote from the outside world that was beyond my house.

For the past week, I've kept my phone on instead of turning it off (it's progress right?) and it laid next to me, but it's been a while since I actually held it in my hands and used it to call up my friends and make plans with them, or to connect and be closer to my Beliebers.

My family and friends know about the physical state that I'm in and I made it clear for them to keep their distance from me which is all I need at the moment, but it still doesn't stop them from texting me to see if I was holding up or not. I've got a whole lot of texts from them on my phone and I don't reply, but they don't push it because they know that I'm still trying to find the middle, my sanity, in between these questioning turns and dead ends that make up a complicated maze, also known as my life.

A shiver crawled down my spine as I stared at the unoccupied spot in the left of me. My leg and arm slowly slid across the sheets over to the empty space and felt the fabric cool my warm skin. What's a king bed without being able to share it with the women you want to be with? What's a king bed without a queen?

All the energy is drained from my body and I stopped mentally torturing myself by picturing her body besides mine. All the accusations of all the wrong I did to her flashed in my head and I couldn't decide whether to scoff at the medias and people's ignorance or to laugh at their ignorance considering they. don't. know. what. happened.

I've been nothing but grateful for her existence in my life. She brings out the good in me, like she's a blessing that entered my life. If anything, I've been faithful to her no matter the distance considering she's the only girl I see, and if people want to believe the lies, it wasn't my job to change their opinions about certain things, if people want to believe only what they want to, then so be it.

But it sucks because it seems as if everyone's attacking me, it's like everyone's against you and you have nothing else to give, I can't go even one minute without having some shit being thrown at me, especially when everyone's saying, "You never loved her", "You made her feel like shit, what a man you are", "You don't deserve her", when it wasn't at all true.

I mean what did I do to deserve this?

It seems as if it's hard to stay positive when you're almost at the brink. People just need to understand that I would never do anything to hurt her any way, shape or form.

They should understand that I was the one who was there for her when she had no one else to go to. They should understand that she trusted me and that I was the one who wiped the tears off her face when she was upset. They should understand that I was the one who made her smile or laugh even through her bad times. They need to understand that she was all that mattered to me.

But if people want to believe only what they want to, then so be it.

- - -

Woo! Chapter 2 ~('-')~ sorry if it isn't as good as you probably expected, but i'm so excited about how this book is gonna turn out cause I've kinda worked out how the future chapters will be like. But sorry about the lag, busy busy life at the moment. Also sorry if the chap. is short, justin's atm song didn't have much lyrics to work with 😂

Well Justin's been doing good, soo good actually, I'm proud of him :-)

I had positive feedback from the first chapter, and you had no idea how happy I was that you guys were enjoying the book so far, even though we're barely on chapter 2 😂

I love reading your guy's comments so comment what was your favorite year for Justin? 🌝❤️

I loved 2012 (and so far 2015) Justin 😍😂

So thanks for voting and whatnot ❤️ love ya'lllll