Clexa. Why Are You Waving At Me?

Chapter 20: *G Friend?*

Helloooo :)) I'm sorry that this chapter is a little short compared to my others but I'm ill at the moment and I've only just felt well enough to update for you guys. I hope you like this little insight to Lexa and her thinking :))

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Thank you guys so much again. Chloe x

Lexa's POV

As Clarke ran out the room I try to get up from the hospital bed. I push up with my arms, my body feeling like it weighs tons.

My arms and legs ache, my head throbs from where I hit it. I must of hit it with some force to knock me out.

I place my feet on the ground, the hospital floor burning my soles due to the chill it was sending out.

I push up from the bed and make my way to the door, stumbling and staggering as I do so.

As I reach the door a nurse walks into the room. We come face to face and she looks at me. She starts to talk but she walks towards my bed, turning so I can't see her lips.

"Excuse me." I say getting the nurses attention.

She turns around and looks at me. Her face soft and sweet.

"I'm deaf." I sign and speak at the same time. 

*Stay in bed* She signs slowly with a smile. "Was that right?" She asks with her thumb up.

I nod yes with a smile. She's the first nurse I've seen who can sign.

*Can you sign?* I ask.

The nurse looks at me a little puzzled. *Slower* she signs at me.

So I repeat my question but signing a little slower.

The nurse looks at me and smiles. *A little.*

*Do you know what's happening with me now?* I ask, I want to know so that I can go and look for Clarke once I know the nurses aren't going to be around.

*Mom, Dad* she signs, "are on their way." She speaks the rest.

"I'm taking you up stairs to the ward." She clarifies as she starts to move the barriers of the bed and set me up ready to move.

"Did you see a girl leave?" I ask stuttering slightly. I hate the fact that I'm going to have to readjust myself to speaking without sign. I hate having to do it as it's not easy for me, but I'll do it for Clarke. I'll do anything for Clarke.

"She ran towards the toilets. She looked upset. Is that your *sister*?" She asked signing the word sister.

I shake my head no.

*Friend?* the nurse asked. She's quite nosey to be honest but it's nice to talk to someone.

I move my hand to make a 'kind of' motion. Not sure whether to call Clarke my friend or not.

I feel attracted to Clarke, there's no denying that. She's so beautiful and funny, so caring and understanding. I find myself just thinking about her at random times.

My lips forming a smile when I see her walk towards me in the mornings when meeting for school, her golden hair bouncing with each step. My heart races when she grabs hold of my hand, butterflies forming in the pit of my stomach.

Her eyes so beautiful and bright there is no need for the sun, even when the day is stormy and glum I can always rely on Clarke to lighten up the day somehow. 

But are we more than friends? I don't know.

She said she loved me but that doesn't mean she loves me like that. It could mean she loves me as a pal or a mate. People say love so out of context nowadays, it's hard to know when someone truly loves you.

"Ohh" the nurse signs. *G friend!" The nurse states.

I smile slightly at the thought of Clarke as my girlfriend. *No.* I sign, silently wishing I could of said yes.

I look towards the nurse with a smile. *Its complicated.* I explain.

The nurse nods and begins to push the bed I'm on. It's only a light moving trolley so the small petite nurse is able to push it her self.

She pushes the trolley out of the door and into the hallway where we bump into Clarke who's hand is clutched to her stomach.

I see that she's been crying, even though she has tried to rub her eyes to make it seem like she's fine.

"Clarke." I say happy to see her but wondering why she's clutching her hand to her stomach. "You okay?" I question.

"Yeah." She says with discomfort on her face.

"You sure?" I say as I reach out for her hand.

"I'm fine." She states as she pulls her body away from me so that I can't take her hand.

I n that instant I feel my heart shatter and I feel as though I could cry. I knew I should of never let her into my heart. She said I could trust her but here she is hurting me.

I'm not being hurt again. Not after every thing. And this doesn't mean hurt physically but also mentally.

I don't care that I ended up in hospital due to Clarke's mum. I care that I allow Clarke to hurt me.

I sit back in the bed as I notice the nurse explain something to Clarke.

I take a deep breath as I compose myself, putting a mask up.

I'm Lexa, I don't get feelings. I am not weak!

Words= 1000