Dear, You

Diary Entry 135

10th June 2016
1.37am

Dear you,

Damn I miss you.
I miss you so damn much.

When you told me that you are bad for me,
I want to slap you in the face.
Not the angry slap,
But the "wake up slap" the same slap I gave you when you got lost yourself into me.

I want to caress both of your cheeks and make you look into my eye.
"Im bad for you" you will say again.

But I tell you,

Yes! Yes your horrible,
For making me cry a hundredth time,
For making me angry when you posted a naked body of yours on Instagram.
For making me jealous for talking to other girls.
For making me self conscious when you tell me a pornstar looks good.
For making me wait for you physically.
For breaking promises, which I annoyingly forgive.
For making me hurt when you lie.
For making me anxious, when you don't call or text.
For making me feel unloved when you don't say i love you or i miss you at all.

Yes you did these terrible things that indeed pains me.

But you idiot!

Me crying is my choice, I cried because I dont you away from my life. I want you, need you.
You made me feel human.
More alive than ever.
You gave me all these emotions, these feelings I felt for the very first time!
I never been jealous of a girl,
Ive never gotten so selfish, not wanting others to see you.
Ive never felt so lonely, because I miss you even when you were next to me.
Oh god,
You made me so happy.
So happy that I get scared that God might take it away.
I felt so spoilt in happiness and feeling you gave me.
I never felt so special before, you made me feel like this.
You made me feel so rich in love.
You are the best thing that ever happen to me.
You are my life.
My everything.

You know how I always say "sorry" when I talk to much?
Its because, the people I met stare at me while I talk like its the most boring thing, or that its not important.
I was accustomed to sorry.

But you listen.
It was enough for me to fall harder for you.
You listen with your eyes,
How they smile when you look at me nonsense talk.

You made me feel beautiful.
Although you joke around saying im ugly, fatso, alien.
It was you who gave me confidence.
I never taken this much selfie before,
Or videos.
Ive never even compliment myself saying, im cute or sexy.
Remember how I always downgrade myself?
You changed me.

And so..

Yes, you are bad for me.
But you are the best for me.

Your a good person. You never see it. But you really are.
If I weight the bad and the good you've done for me.
It will be the good that will stay forever in my heart.
It is your good that changed me for better.

So idiot.
Your good for my heart.
I wont get any heart disease from you.
Lose calories from you kisses.
You make me smile.
You make me feel comfortable to express my real self.
And that is enough to make the point.

You are so damn good for me.

From,
Me