Dear, You

Diary Entry 133

9th of June
12.27 am

Dear you,

"Your a good daughter"
"You are smart"
"Your cute"

You know although Ive received compliments from others, I still like hearing it from you.

I like it when you say it.
The way your eyes express it.
It feels real. It doesn't feel forced or just because you want to be nice.
It feel that you really think I'm beautiful.
You really think Im sexy, even though I really am not.
Your eyes when you say Im cute. Says it all.
The tone of your voice when you say, "my wifey is so smart". Makes me believe that I am.

Are we still the same?

I don't feel pretty in your eyes anymore,
Maybe because I haven't seen it for a while.
It has been a while since I stared at them.

Does your eyes still speaks the truth?
Is it still the same eyes I fell in love with?

I want to stare at your brown eyes,
Talk to them.
Fall in love twice again.
Over and over.

Your tone make me not want to believe anymore,
After all the broken trust and broken promises.
Our talks turn into messy jokes,
Its fun, it really is.
When we mess around, giving each other nicknames.
You start to call me,
Fatso, dramaqueen, ugly, and usually my full name.

It was fun at the start,
It really was.
But later on,
You forgotten to compliment me.
You forgot to say how beautiful I am.
How kind I am.
It became a permanent joke.
Did we become a joke?

But still, I wont lie.
I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I want to sit next to you and just listen,
Listen to nothing because usually we just don't talk but cuddle.

I miss you so damn much.

Hey you,

Can I get a look into your eyes again?
Can I fall in love with you again?
And will you accept me back again?
This time.
Give me a love more than the love I gave you.

From,
Me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1.38am Thoughts of You.

Its sad how I get afraid of happiness.
Being to happy for me is scary.

Because now Im used on getting hurt after filling myself with joy.

Sad right?

Its sad how I let fear overthrow my happiness.

Thats why when you told me you will come back to me.
I was so damn happy.
For the whole month that night was the most peaceful.

But you might have notice,
My words didn't match up with my tone,
Because I was afraid God might hear that I was too happy.
That maybe He might think Im being too happy and that he should take it back again for lessons.

Its not because I don't love you.
You know how much I want you back.
You know how much I love you.

That Ill give you everything I own.
For your my thief.
The one who stole my heart.