My Demons

Chapter 7

I hadn’t slept at all last night, and I had barely slept the previous night either. Well, due to being in an alley way and all. Regardless, I could feel the effects snaking up around me, weighing down my every step.

I frowned to myself, and resisted the urge to itch my wrists. After the meeting with Cass, I felt so ashamed, and I couldn’t stop myself from cutting again. The bandage was rubbing against the vuts, and made them itch with an intensity I barely recognized. I didn’t mean to go too deep, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was humourlessly ironic that the thing that made me cut in the first place was, in the end, me actually indulging in the said deed. It made me feel so pathetic. IT was like an overweight person who slipped up in their diet deciding to take out their guilt and self anger on themselves by gorging on more food.

It was a viscous, dark, dangerous cycle, all bad analogies and failed attempts of humour aside.

But the look on her face was...agonizing.

Unbearable.

 I couldn’t stand it when people pitied me. They shouldn’t- I deserved the pain I was in and so much more. After what I did I don’t reserve the right to complain. But what scared me more was how she also looked empathetic. As if she could relate on a certain level what I was going through.

Cass didn’t deserve that. She was good.

I contemplated whether or not I should meet up with her, but I wasn’t sure if I could face her after she found out I self harmed. But then again, I was so tempted by the thought of being reunited with a long lost friend. But then again, surely that would involve telling her the truth, and that was something I wasn’t too keen on. She would surely ask questions, and I couldn’t lie to her. She had always had that annoying knack of knowing when someone was being dishonest with her, even the slightest amount.

But what was worse was when she sighed, knowing I was lying, knowing that I knew she knew, and yet, she still did nothing about it. Deciding to go along with the pretence we both knew was there, but she didn’t press. I wasn’t sure and decided to mull it over at a later stage.

“Hey stranger! Haven’t seen you in a while.” A cheerful voice cut through my depressive haze.

I felt a smile touch my cheeks, uplifting them slightly. I acknowledged Willow’s perky presence with a small smile and head nod.

“Have you got a free period now?” She asked me. I nodded. “Same. Wanna hang somewhere?”

I glanced around, looking for the brunette that usually whisked her away.

“I don’t care if anyone sees. I’m proud to be your friend.”

My mouth dropped open in shock, and with that comment she linked her arm through my own and pulled me outside.  I was her friend?  It was all I could do but not fall behind. We stepped outside into the cool air, but it wasn’t cold.

The clouds had parted slightly and the sun was peeking through. The rays touched Willow’s angelic face and she smiled.

“Come on!” We were at the front of the school, a place where not many people ever went. She headed towards a bench. She sat down on the metal seat and patted the free space next to her.

“Who are you listening to?” She asked me after a moment.

I pulled out one ear and held it to hers. “I love Green Day! I should have figured you’d like them too.” She told me, smiling.

My eyebrow quirked up slightly in an emotion that wasn’t quite surprise, but more or less amusement. It would figure that she would like that sort of music too, after all nothing about her had proved to be mainstream.