Book 1: Valentina

Chapter 18

I woke up around 3 am and he was still there, holding me, snoring. I didn't know what to do, either I wake him up and live with the awkwardness that'll be this situation or wait until he wakes up and leaves on his own.

My feelings were in an all out war right now and I didn't know if I wanted to still be mad at him or forgive him and just reconcile, because I was rude to him at some points of this and he deserved the same apology that I felt entitled to, right? Times like this I have to question my sanity, griefing and hate are like oil and water, the two will never mix no matter how well they sound like they  mix, I had to get rid of one, right now.

Marco snored and flipped over facing the window that he had came in through, and I just looked at the city, this could not be my life right now, there was no way. Alex was literally all that I had, every ounce of sanity that I had left was in him and now that he's gone, so is my piece of mind, my mind right now is just blaming me, all of this is my fault. I should've left, I should've gone back to Georgia and protected him, I knew he wasn't going to be able to do it himself, he was too fragile.

I can't even wrap my head around the fact that, I have to refer to my best friend in the past tense now and the nonly thing that I have that reminds me of him, the only piece of him that I have left is the tattoo.

"You're really going to get that? For me?" Alex was sitting on the stool watching as the tattoo artist wiped my arm down with rubbing alcohol.

He was more scared for me getting the tattoo than coming out to his parents, I feel like his mom had already known and even if she didn't, she'd still love Alex, that was the kind of person she was, kind and caring, but his dad on the other hand wasn't going to go for it, not in a million years.

" I said that I would, so I am." I said as the artist placed the stencil on my arm.

" But what if I don't tell my parents?" He asked looking at his shoes.

" Then I'm going to kick your ass and make you pay me for paying for this tattoo." I said casually.

The tattoo artist left the room while we waited for the stencil to dry and I turned to Alex who was just staring at his shoes. I knew that he was scared, but this was something that had to be done, he'd came out to me a year ago, but still his parents didn't know. His biggest fear was that his dad would kick him out and he's turn into a statistic, but he knew just as well as I did that his mom would kick his dad out before she even let him thinki about kicking out Alex.

"You don't have anything to worry about. Your mom's cool and their marriage is on the rocks anyway, plus he's just your stepdad." I said rubbing his arm.

He only nodded in response and the tattoo artist came in with fresh needles, he sat down and prepped my arm for the tattoo and as soon as he turned on the machine alex's eyes grew as bi as a scared cat.

I laughed at the memory and felt hot tears running down my face, I reached up and wiped the tears and more started to fall, I laid back down and cried. This had to be some bad dream, and when I woke up in the morning it'll be over. Everything will be normal.

"What time is it?" I heard Marco ask.

I had been up since 3, and I never went back to sleep, but when I heard Marco shift n the other side of the bed I closed my eyes and I would keep them closed until he left. He sat up and though I didn't see him do it, I know he lloked at me, I could feel it. He shook my shoudlers to wake me, but I flipped over facing away from him.

I guess he tried to stay and wake for me to wake up, but after a while he left, out of the same window he came in, I finally flipped over to see what time it was. I had to debate on going to school today, but  knew that Maggie knew and I didn't want to sit there and listen to her talk about death again, fter my mom's funeral that's all she did for a week straight.