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Two juniors in high school, each fresh out of a breakup, thousands of miles away from each other. Connor Hall and Sydney Porter didn't exp...
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Blog Entry: 02/05/17 07:03 PM
Title: Feelings (Ew)
I'm not an emotional person. I don't like talking about my feelings, I don't like crying, and I don't like letting other people even know that I have emotions. This is a weird thing to be writing on a blog, but hey, we can do what we want on here.
I don't even particularly like feelings...at all. I think they ruin perfectly good people and that they are capable of making us do terrible things. No one would kill without the motives and the feelings behind wanting to...they wouldn't think it necessary or important to dispose of a person if they didn't have a grudge against them, a feeling against them. People wouldn't have heartbreak without feelings; they wouldn't be alone in their room on a Friday night, knowing that the people who hurt them are out partying and "living it up" while they sit in their bed and cry themselves to sleep. Without feelings, there would be heartache, no tears, and no misery in the world...just a bunch of people living their lives quietly and efficiently.
But that wouldn't be a good way to live, either. We would be robots, unable to fall in love, unable to see the good in other people, and unable to feel the true joy that comes with genuinely and completely loving another human being. We wouldn't be able to experience that. So, as much as I hate feelings, I feel like they are a necessary part of our lives...and a necessary part of what I'm about to do.
I'm going to tell him. I'm going to say how I feel, I'm going to lay it all out, and I'm going to have no regrets. There's nothing bad that could happen after this...what, he doesn't return the feelings? So what? He lives 3,000 miles away. The worst thing that could happen is that he decides that he doesn't like me and he stops writing to me. I mean, that would suck, a lot, but it doesn't mean that my entire life is going to come to a shattering end and that I won't be able to move forward. I've never even met the guy; surely I will be fine with knowing for a fact that he doesn't have any romantic interest in me.
I hope this is okay. I hope he feels the same way. But there's no way of knowing, and for right now, I'm okay with that. There's no way for me to know exactly how he feels, and there's no way for me to know exactly how much I like him...I haven't even met him yet. But for right now, I'm just going to ride this out and see what happens...I mean, nothing is final, but sharing my feelings is a start. Now I just have to write this letter before I change my mind.
Signing off.
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