Made To Be Broken

Broken And Spilled Out

Jonah licked his lips slowly and stared at the back of her head. Rebecca would rather die than reveal to her church family that her step-brother was a homosexual. As if it might somehow reflect poorly on her.

What're you going to do, Becca – when you discover your fiancé is a gay man desperately trying to convince himself he's straight?

........................

“Are you feeling better, hon?”

Rebecca sat beside him on the blanket spread out on the soft grass behind the church. Noble sat with his legs draw up, arms resting across his knees. He watched a flurry of children dressed in their Sunday best chasing each other around, darting in between the sparse evergreens at the far edge of the large lawn.

So innocent, Noble thought. Not a care in the world. Too young to know just what they will...be when they get older.

“Noble?” Rebecca touched his back and he looked away from the kids.

“Huh?”

“I asked if you were feeling better?”

Drawing a slow, deep breath, he nodded and smiled. “Yeah.”

The nausea had abated soon after vomiting. When he'd returned to the sanctuary, Jonah had been gone. He didn't ask where he'd went, and no one offered the information. It didn't matter. Everything was better when he wasn't around.

A sting of guilt needled him but he swiped it away like a pesky bug. He had no cause to feel guilty – the man had brought it on himself. Jonah couldn't hardly expect him to want him around after the crap he'd pulled.

Rebecca slid her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder. Her eyes followed the children. A smile touched her lips. “I can't wait to have a baby with you.” She whispered.

A baby. A chill swept through Noble and his heart thumped hard against his ribs. He and Rebecca had talked about having kids, how many they wanted. She had her heart set on three or four. Noble had been all for it – then. But now? God, his mind was so fragmented lately that he couldn't even think straight.

When he felt her eyes on him, he glanced at her. “What?” he asked softly.

“Well...I guess I was expecting some form of response.” Uncertainty darkened her eyes. “You're not having second thoughts...are you?”

Noble rubbed the back of his neck, finding his skin damp with a light sheen of sweat as the warm sun beat against his back. “About what?” he asked. “Having kids?”

“All of it.” Rebecca's brow tightened. “Getting married.”

“Why would you ask that?” Noble's guts began to knot up again. Would he ever know another moment of peace again in this life? He was beginning to have his doubts.

“It just seems that...you're stressed a lot lately.” She pointed out. “More than just typical pre-wedding anxiety.” She shook her head. “What am I supposed to think? I mean...maybe deep down, you don't want to marry me.”

Noble slid his arm around her shoulders. “I don't know what's stressing me out. But I know for certain it isn't that.”

The lie slipped out so smooth it left him somewhat disturbed; would it always be this easy to lie to her?

Rebecca leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it will pass.”

“I hope so.” Noble murmured, but knew he had about a snowball's chance in hell of it passing.