If He Ever Cries (manxman / boyxboy)

Chapter 17

-Chapter 17-

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost

No longer the same

And I can see you starting to break

I'll keep you alive

If you show me the way

Forever and ever

the scars will remain

—Give Me A Sign, Breaking Benjamin

The skies grew brighter. Little by little the light crept in, casting a shadow of his arm over his face. His hand held buried in his hair. How many hours had he been there, in that same posture? Not minding the discomfort of the seat, the ache on his elbow from the hard armrest, or the cold—but just sitting quiet at the mercy of his thoughts.

When the news had broken free Eric didn't move. He knew to say nothing until he heard everything. His heart did most of the freaking out. On the outside, though, he was all ears. “I need your help... I know this is selfish of me... I can't think of another way... Please help me figure out a way to do this. You've watched enough spy movies.” The last words slipped from Kaiden in a chuckle, and Eric had yet to find it funny. His fingers picked at the corner of the label of the jar. He avoided looking at Eric's face on purpose. There was a persistent strain on him, like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Then he rose his eyes one more time, his gaze intense and lost.

Later Eric figured out, it was him waiting for Eric's turn to lash out his own frustrations of Kaiden's seemingly stupid logic. “Don't group me together with the assholes.” Of course, he didn't say it at the time. This wasn't about him, this was all about Kaiden.

“Please. At least...think about it.”

“You didn't have to make that face, silly.” Eric frowned his eyes shut. “I will help you.” And he pressed his forehead more against the heel of his hand. “You know that.” Kaiden snored loud, as if replying to Eric's mumbles. Eric sat back on the chair. Two spoons rested on the side table, alongside the now naked but unopened jar of the hazelnut spread. How sweet were things when just licking that off a spoon, and chasing each other out with their chocolate-covered fingers, was enough to keep them laughing and teasing for what felt like hours. When life's greatest worries had three names: who was taller, pre-algebra, and zombies.

“Man, you suck. Go play Pac-Man or something.”

I beat cha by four inches, though.

Eric had hoped for an empty life-is-so-cruel-I-want-out-of-it kind of reason. One reason that he could brush off, steer Kaiden away from, like he had done before. Grab him by the scruff of the neck to drop him in front of a doctor, and force in him whatever drug he needed to get that infection out. He propped his cheek on his fingers, creating a half, unintended pout. “But it couldn't be like that, right? It always has to be grandiose with you...” He glanced at the back of the figure sleeping on the bed, without moving his head—the comforter slowly raising and falling. Sadness bubbled up in his chest, and he looked down when it stung behind his eyes. “...And heartbreaking.”

* * *

As if on queue, Kaiden turned around and slowly opened his eyes to Eric. He squinted at first, from the daylight that had started to intensify, and rolled onto his belly. That was funny, his just-awoken face. Made him look more like his former zombie slayer. Eric could never hold anger against Kaiden for long. Which was good for his sanity, given how big a pain in the ass he could be. Not literally, though. So, just like that, most of the feelings that had been squeezing his chest dissipated. Most of them.