Fade To Black

The Short End of The Stick

I couldn’t get the dream out of my head. I had woken up in a cold sweat, gasping. I thought I had died. I sat up in my bed once again for the third night in a row, having the same nightmare of Clementine… but at the same time, it wasn’t Clementine. I couldn’t keep my head on straight. I decided I would go outside for some fresh air. Going down the stairs quietly as to not wake my sisters I went out onto the porch and sat down in Papa’s rocking chair. It squeaked a little but as I began to rock back in forth I could almost fall asleep again. I could see the fireflies above my head as they danced in the night sky. It was something special to see that I often took for granted. I had begun to clothes my eyes, the mask of sleep crawling over my face until I heard a squeal, and laughter coming round the house. I sat up, alert.

As I slowly crept off the porch landing I crept round the back of the house near the water spigot. I could hear the splashing of the water. I leaned around the corner and looked. There they were: the happy new couple I suppose. Tamar was splashing water from the spigot on Clementine who was whining, trying to keep her laugh quiet.

“Stop it, stop it!” She laughed. He turned it off and wiped his hands off on his pants. He was smiling and drawing closer to her.

“Don’t the stars look pretty tonight? You can actually see them.” Clementine said, sighing. It reminded me of how many times the night seemed to be our only escape. But I guess it wasn’t my escape, it was hers. I noticed Tamar nudge her against the wall of the house. He pressed his body on top of hers but she hadn’t noticed because she was looking up at the sky. Was she that oblivious?

Tamar leaned his head closer to Clementine’s face and her eyes met his. He put his hands against the wall of the house, her head in between them. “Clementine. I was serious about what I had said on the day I first met you. Do you remember what I had said to you?” He asked.

“Well… Yes. You said that I was… beautiful.” She blushed now and brushed her hair back behind her ear.

“Yeah, and I still believe that. I’ve seen you hurt and your heart broken. Clementine, I promise I will never let that happen to you ever again. If you promise to be with me forever I will never let it happen.” He got on his knees and stared up at her. She looked uncomfortable.

“What are you trying to say Tamar? We are together right now.” She tried to say to him but he had something else on his mind.

“No, not that kind of togetherness. Clementine… My Clementine, would you please marry me?” She gasped, and covered her gaping mouth with her trembling hands. My heart stopped beating at that very moment. It was as if something had just clicked, like an engine just got started up again. All I needed was a little kick. But, my feet were frozen. I didn’t want to stay to hear any sort of reply. It was either, stay or leave, but my mind was mixed up. Did I still love Clementine? Was this proof of my feelings for her? I suddenly found the courage and walked loudly through the tall grass. It had seem as though minutes had passed that I had been standing there, stunned but it was only for a few seconds so Clementine hadn’t thought of her answer yet.

They must’ve heard me coming because they both looked in my direction, and Tamar got up off his knees, looking rather livid for the interruption. Good. “What a warm night tonight, huh?” I said calmly, though underneath the surface I was burning like fire.

“Jackson…” Clementine whispered. I ignored her face for now and glared at Tamar.

“Why are you here Jackson?” Tamar growled at me. He came up to me in a menacing fashion.

“Last time I had checked, my family lived in this house and we could do whatever we want with our own property. I didn’t know I had to ask permission first before getting some fresh air. I wouldn’t of been interrupted if it hadn’t ‘t been for the ruckus. Tamar drew a fist aimed and ready for my jaw but Clementine grabbed just in time before he hit me.

“Tamar, stop!” Clementine pushed him aside and stood in front of me. I must admit that it was too close for comfort. I took a step back. “Can I talk to you alone for a minute Jackson?” She said sternly. She walked round to the path heading down to the sugar mill. I had forgotten I had shown her the way.

“Clementine, wait up!” I called out. It was hard to see her in the dark, or anything else for that matter. I heard the footsteps ahead of me stop, waiting for me. I could make out her figure in front of me.

“I think this is far enough.” She told me. I stopped and searched her blank face. It felt weird, as if I was back in the dream again. She turned round to meet my gaze. I was so angry I couldn’t move. I wanted to yell but I contained myself. “What did you hear?” She asked.

I merely blinked at her. “Everything.” I answered. She covered her mouth.

“It’s not what you thi-” She began but I shushed her, shaking my head. I didn’t want to hear an excuse. I wish I had not come down for air and just stayed in bed. I would’ve avoided this.

“It’s okay, it’s not my business… you can do whatever you want too.” I reminded her. I’m sure she was only saying this excuse to save herself. But, still, I got the wrong idea.

“Oh, yeah.” I t was silent. I played with my hands as she looked away. I knew we both wanted to ask that question. I was waiting for her to ask it. I wanted her to ask it. I looked up at her face then, longingly. I stared at the familiar face I had missed these past three months. She had been right in my grasp but I let her slip past through my fingers, just like that. I did it to myself.

“So.” She said.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“How are you Jackson?” She didn’t sound very interested in the question that she had asked, but, I answered anyways.

“Pretty good. You?”

“Well, I-… I’m just fine, actually.” She smiled up at me.

‘Well, that’s good.” I returned the smile half-heartedly. I wasn’t that I didn’t mean what I said, it was just painful that she wasn’t feeling as hurt as I was. Maybe what Tamar had said really was true. Maybe he really did help her get over me…

I looked up at the sky. Clementine had been right. You could see every star in the sky tonight.

“It really is beautiful.” I said to her.

“Yeah. Yeah it is.” She agreed. I thought this would be a moment between us two but I heard footsteps through the grass, coming towards us. Angry footsteps. Clementine was then pulled away.

‘I think that’s enough talk for tonight. Let’s go back to the houses Clementine!” Tamar ordered, grabbing her and pulling her away by the wrist. She looked at me sadly. Why did I constantly get interrupted?

“Wait, Clementine!” I had some sort of change rush through my body, a spur of the moment sort of thing. I yelled out to her. “Do you want to know how I really feel?” I asked her. I began to run closer to her.

“Shut up Jackson!” Tamar urged. I ignored him.

“I miss you! I feel horrible! I can’t live without you. Sure, I thought It was a good thing to be away from you, but… it’s not! It’s not! It’s not at all! It’s painful! I miss you so much that it hurts!” I yelled. I fell to my knees, my legs felt like jelly. I couldn’t believe I had just yelled that out to her.

“Jackson! Jackson!” She yelled back. Tamar continued dragging her away despite her resistance. “I miss you to! I miss you so mu-” Tamar covered her mouth desperately Her mouth was still open in shock. I looked up at her. I had to shut my eyes at the sight of her being dragged away. I wanted to tell her more. I hoped she believed me. I needed her to believe me to feel at peace. I didn’t need her in my arms to feel happy, but only know that her heart was mine…