Your Fight is Over.

Clarke

My days seem to waste away to fast. They just run through my fingers and slip away. Then before I know it, the sun has left me and I am alone with the darkness as my blanket.

It has only been three days since I left camp but it seems like an eternity. Enough about my day though, my nights are when the demons come out to play. They pass in snapshots, my nights do. Click. My hand on the cold hard lever. Click. My mom strapped down and screaming in agony. Click. Bellamy's hand showing me I'm not alone. Click. The warmth of his hand leaving mine. Click. The table, full of bodies slouched over it. Click. People spread along the floor. The smell so putrid it is burning my nose. Click. The children. Click. All the red. Click. So much red. Click.

Then I'm back in the forest, laying in my sleeping bag. And Bellamy is stroking my head. Soothing me. He whisperers comforting things to me. Slowing I fall into a dreamless slumber.

When I awaken he is gone. I imagine I can still feel the warmth of his body next to mine. It seems to smell like him for a second before the cruel wind brings me back to reality. I am alone. I deserve to be alone.

The nights bring me suffering but my days can be quite enjoyable. It has been a long time since I have truly been alone. Sometimes I pretend that I am simply on a walk. That my mom told me to be back by sunset and when I return my dad will be sitting at a table having a drink and laughing with my mother. I am on a walk to meet all my friends at the secret tree house we have.
My fantasies usually end there because I can't think of the trees without remembering Lexa. I understand what she did and why she did it. I should know because I would have done the same. But it doesn't hurt any less. I was still betrayed. Nothing can soften that blow.

Sometimes I sing or hum while my legs continue to lead me nowhere in particular. Also sometimes I will just begin to talk. Or yell. Or scream. Most of the time its a mix of all three. It allows me to release my frustration. How else am I suppose to keep from going insane?
Today feels different. I can almost sense another being in my presents. I pause my feet and lean against a tree. I ran out of food yesterday. I guess I should have planned ahead a little bit but I honestly don't care. The slippery and ridged bark of the mossy oak I am currently being supported by is scratching against my skin. I move so my back is to the tree and start to slide down the trunk. As my butt hits the ground I pull my knees up against my chest. I pretend to take a small nap while taking in my surroundings.
Some branches to my right rustle a little. So little that it could have been the wind. But there was no wind today. Slowly I stand back on my feet and stretch my arms.

Unexpectedly someone jumps out of the bushes and lands on top of me. They landed on my back and pinned me to the ground. Their fingernails have left gaping gashes on my back and they have sunk their teeth into my shoulder. I throw all my weight to the left to roll out from under the attacker. As I rolled I saw a face blotched red from radiation exposure.My breath hitched. The next thing I heard was a gun blast and as I turned toward the origin of the sound I saw him.
Bellamy.
And as I turned my head, in my attackers place was a dead panther.