Hold On To Me // [Z.M.]

Chapter 2 | Broke Inside

"Here, I know you like tea while you watch your late night tv. Do you want the curtains open? The views really nice tonight, clear skies." I nodded, and he slid the curtains open. He was right, the view was beautiful. He paused once more, looking at me. 

"Thanks, babe. But please, you're gonna be late meeting your mates." I said, waving him away. 

"I love you!" he called, and this time I heard the front door close behind him. 

I turned on the tv, flipping though the channels mindlessly. I stopped on some generic feel-good chick flick, but I wasn't really paying attention. I sipped my tea and stared out the window at the night sky. The views were what I loved most about the city. All the lights and the cars traveling below. Our flat was the highest floor in the building, with floor to ceiling windows in every room. It was on the edge of the river, with breath taking views in all directions. Zayn knew I loved the views, and had acclimated over the years to sleeping with the curtains open so I could fall asleep looking at the skyline. 

Our dog, Rhino, was sprawled out at the foot of the bed. He was a great dane that Zayn and I got together two years ago. About an hour and a half after Zayn left, he stirred, quickly sitting up. I heard the front door open and slam shut, and so did Rhino. The dog shot out of bed and ran down the stairs, barking. I tensed, not knowing who was in our home. 

I heard someone coming up the stairs and the door to our bedroom opened. "Hey, babe."

"Jesus, Zayn. You nearly put me into cardiac arrest. You could at least say something when you come in." I clutched my chest over my heart, and Zayn sat down on the edge of the bed. 

"Sorry, I didn't even think of it. I figured you'd bee sleeping. What are you up to?" He asked, kissing my forehead. 

"What are you doing home so early?" I asked, ignoring his question.

"Eh, I was bored without you. No one to dance with," he said as he began to get undressed. He was left in his boxers while he brushed his teeth. Once he rinsed his mouth out, he asked again, "Done anything wild while I was gone?" 

 "Nope, just this," I told him, snuggling deeper into the many blankets. He smiled and jumped into bed with me. He took my mug of tea from my hands and placed it on the bedside table before attacking my face with kisses. He tickled my sides and I squealed, trying to push his hands away. "Stop! Stop!" I laughed. He smirked when he stopped, and pressed his lips to mine. 

He broke away and whipped the blankets back, then lifted me on top of him so I was sitting astride his lap. He pulled my face to his and we began to kiss again, him slipping his tongue into my mouth. His hands moved over my body, stopping and squeezing my bum. I smirked against his lips when he did this, but continued kissing him passionately. My hands ran up and down his bare chest, and I could feel him against my inner thigh. 

"Zayn," I panted, breaking away. "I-" 

"Clara," he mumbled, placing kisses on my neck and collarbone, and toying with the hem of my shirt. "I love you, babe." 

"I know, I love you too. But, Zayn- I have to tell you something Zayn." I breathed out, trying to resist him. 

"Can it wait?" He asked, pulling away. I could see the lust in his eyes as he looked for an answer in my expression. I bit my lip, thinking for a moment. I could tell him in the morning, there was no reason for me not to have sex with my boyfriend right now. It could wait. Instead of saying anything, I quickly took my shirt off and pressed my lips back to his. 

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"Zayn?" I called, walking down stairs in only his discarded shirt from the night before and panties. I heard him in the kitchen and he was standing at the counter making beans and toast. 

"Hey, there she is. Sleep well, babe?" He asked, rapping an arm around my waist and pulling me to his side. He kissed my temple and then went back to fixing breakfast. 

"Not too bad." I answered, sitting at the breakfast bar. I watched him, and we had light conversation. What he was doing that day, my plans (I had none), and our plans for the night. The last part was half hearted, because I wasn't sure what the outcome of my news would be. 

"Zayn, I still need to talk to you." I reminded him, putting my piece of toast back down on my plate.

"Oh, right. What about?" 

"Could you sit down?" I asked him, and he looked at me skeptically. He sat beside me on a stool and I took his hands in mine. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, faster and faster as each second passed. This is silly, I thought, I shouldn't be scared to tell my boyfriend something. So I began, "I don't want you to freak out, because I think we can handle this. I know we can."

"You're scaring me, Clara." He said, biting his lip. 

"Okay, I'll just come out and say it...I'm pregnant." As soon as I said it, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But when I saw Zayn's face, a new one replaced it. "Zayn?"

"You're pregnant. Pregnant?" He stood, his fingers brushing through his hair. He began to pace, not making any eye contact with me. He didn't even look in my direction for the longest time. I stayed silent, letting him process the news. "I don't know what to say, Clara."

"I know it's shocking, and I know its not the best timing-"

"The best timing? The timing couldn't be worse!"

"I know, I know. But-"

"I guess we should schedule an abortion then. I don't know what else to do." He said nonchalantly, but my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe that the word had even come out of his mouth. I could feel my blood boiling. I was completely thrown off guard, I had never expected this reaction. 

"I don't understand, Zayn." I said, standing up. I looked at him, my jaw clenched.

"I don't think we have any other options, honestly." 

"Did you think about not aborting our child? That's always an option?" 

"No its not. Do you really think it is? The only logical solution is to get rid of your baby."

"Mine? My baby? You're fucking kidding me, right? It takes two to make a baby, Zayn. And no, I absolutely will not have an abort our child. I never knew you had this in you. I never in a million years thought you would even think about doing something like that. I'm disgusted," I spat. He rolled his eyes, and I scoffed at how immature he was being.

"What do you want me to do, Clara. Raise a baby? No fucking way." 

"You don't have a choice! I'm going to give birth in 8 months, and you are going to be a father!" I yelled, pointing a finger in his face. He pushed it away, breathing heavily with anger. 

"Whatever, Clara."

"Whatever? Whatever! That's all you have to say about this!" I followed him out of the kitchen, throwing my arms around in anger as I spoke. "This involves you! You're going to be a father, you are- Jesus, you're not ever listening!" 

"I don't know what you expect me to do! I'm not cut out for this! I don't want this!" He yelled back. I could feel the tears burning, but I quickly wiped them away. 

"You know what, Zayn? I don't know what I expected. But I know it wasn't this. Maybe I expected you to be mad, confused, annoyed. But not this. You just suggested I kill our baby!" I screamed, picking up a throw pillow from the couch and throwing it at him. "Where are you going? Zayn, we aren't done with this!" 

"I'm done." He yelled, walking up the stairs. I stared in disbelief until the door slammed a floor above me, snapping me out of my trance. I didn't know what to do with myself. I sat on the couch, hugging a pillow to my chest, and cried.