Human - phan

Fourteen

I breathed out slowly, and then carefully shaded in another bullet point

· Friday 27th: Phil dreams due to above. Possibly he knows something.

That was an understatement. From the words he was crying last night, he knew more than something. I pushed the thoughts forcefully out of my head, running my fingers through my hair. There had been plenty of horrible thoughts like that going through my mind. But Phil was my boyfriend, and he was beautiful. And PJ would trust him with his life, so why shouldn't I?

Phil didn't murder anyone. Shut up head.

Time for research.

I started off by looking up Yao again. I'd been right, it was Chinese - in particular the middle guy from the three soldiers in 'Mulan'. I giggled despite myself. I shook my head, stuffing cereal in my mouth and opening facebook; and then every social media site I could find. Nothing.

I tried directories and work profiles, and even the family tree sites. There were no Yao's that could realistically be involved, and by the end of the hour I was moody and irritable. I ran my fingers angrily through my hair. I reread the tiny characters over and over, looking for hidden meaning. The date didn't seem significant. Last Sunday, possibly at '30' o'clock or something. But if the date had yet to come, why would PS guy throw away the scrap of paper? It was folded up so small I doubted it could have fallen out of a pocket.

I brushed my hair out of my eyes.

The digital display on the computer read 11:50. I still had a couple of hours before college, I needed to relax and do some proper digging. I yanked the curtains shut. The rattle they made as they clattered across the plastic rung was somehow soothing and I put my iPod up as loud as I dared. Still in my pyjamas I locked the door and pushed the beds to the side of the room. The space was small, but the music was loud. I closed my eyes. I cut the cord.

The string that had been holding me tight and tense released, the stray end flying away with the wind.

I danced, and I let go of the human.

*

After a couple of near misses with inanimate objects, I retreated to the middle of the room and spun on the spot. Slowly at first, getting faster and faster as I squeezed my eyes tighter and tighter shut and the music increased in tempo. Something as childish and simple as spinning until I was dizzy was strangely exhilarating, the music pumping through my veins and urging me on, faster and faster and faster.

I collapsed on the bed with a groan, burying my head in the pillows as it span wildly. I rolled over to watch the ceiling pitch and heave above me. A huge grin had spread across my face at some point, all my anxiety forgotten. Better. Definitely better. I made a point to spin with loud music more often. I live life on the edge.

Research. Okay. Go.

I went back onto the police website. By now, I knew my way around and it didn't take me long to bring up the report on PS guy. Huh, that was new. Apparently, he was a 28 year old Caucasian male of medium build. Well, there goes theory B. Purple Shirt guy couldn't be Jakob, there's no way PJ and Chris would have thought Phil was going out with a 26 year old so young. Could they? I thought it through. They'd told me that Phil started seeing Jakob over a year ago, which would make them all 15. Even now, at 17 and 28, it would still have been weird. If they'd mentioned the strangeness of their meetings, then surely they'd have mentioned the questionable age gap? In all honesty I didn't really think it was him. Phil knew Jakob well, whoever he was, but hadn't shed a single tear over the body since Sunday.

I had to quietly consider the possibilities. Jakob and Phil were in the woods the day it had happened. Phil was supposedly telling Jakob he 'never wanted to see him again', so maybe Jakob had got angry, walked off into the woods and beat the crap of a random 28 year old jogging (to see Yao??), accidentally killed him, panicked, left the body and ran. And then he'd gone back three days later to move the body as it surely had finger prints all over it. That was certainly plausible. I congratulated myself with a mars bar. One thing was certain though, to prove this theory I had to find out more about Jakob.

Who was he? Why was Phil hanging around a stranger anyway? The casual fuck buddy was the only explanation I could think of. It was conceivable, Phil's boyfriend killed himself, Phil was emotional and he didn't have any friends at college, so he found a supplement. No strings attached. The thought sent a shiver down my spine. It was not a nice thought. I couldn't imagine Phil with this stranger. This stranger who possibly beat a grown adult to death in the woods had held my Phil in his arms. Made love to him in the woods, even. When they were 15. Fuck.

It was a harsh reminder of just how young and bloody innocent I was. Phil had probably had sex thousands of times before. I'd probably been so awful. He probably regretted ditching his experienced, hardened, state-school guy now.

I felt sick.

It would also explain the dream. If Phil had 'broken up' with this guy and caused the death of a stranger, it was pretty realistic that he'd be crying it's all my fault in the dead of night. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to all fit together. I wanted to go to the police, to tell them it was Jakob, to tell them it was him - to make them take him away.

Guilt swelled in my stomach. This guy meant something to Phil. He had been the one to look after Phil when he'd lost his first and only. But I couldn't shake the feeling that it shouldn't have been him. He was probably a violent, hot-tempered maniac, and Phil had gone to him when he was broken. I wanted to cry.

What if Phil got too bored of my inadequacy in bed? What if he needed some real sex so scooted off to the woods while I was at home? Maybe he already had. Suddenly, all I could imagine was this faceless stranger rotting in a prison cell for the rest of eternity.

There were a couple of things that didn't fit, though. What did Phil mean by 'look at the eyes'? And where did Gabes, Jake and Skinhead come into the picture? Or maybe they didn't, maybe they had their own shit going on which just happened to coincide.

The police didn't think so, though.

I ran my fingers through my hair. I wasn't abandoning my theory just yet. There had to be a logical explanation. Maybe PS guy was a friend of Gabes and Skinhead. Maybe they thought Jake had done it. Maybe Skinhead was Yao, even.

I ran my fingers through my hair. It was sticking up in all directions, completely static. Who had been shot? Why would they think Jake was involved? Where was Gabes? This wasn't getting any easier. It was based too much on assumptions.

I ran my fingers through my hair and finally an idea dawned on me. It was sketchy at best, but I decided to write it down anyway.

Theory A

· Jakob killed PS guy

· Skinhead Yao was on his way to meet PS guy, PS guy never showed.

· Jake was supposed to give PS guy the note, Yao assumed he'd forgotten and beat him up. Yao and Gabes walked a bit further into the woods because they were angry.

· Came across Jakob – possibly cleaning up the murder site some more (the purple shirt had huge chunks ripped out of it – maybe they caught him with scraps of purple?)

· Yao shot Jakob

· Phil knew Jakob was going in that day, guessed what happened, fainted. Nightmare – two people dead because of him. "All my fault, I'm so sorry" (What about the eyes though?)

I breathed out slowly, running my hands one last time through my hair, before closing the notebook with a snap. I had to go to the police this afternoon. I would tell them what I knew, but there was no way in hell I was bringing Phil into this. He'd had enough trauma for a lifetime.