Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
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Oh boy.
I get what you're saying, but the way it was worded was atrocious. Read everything out loud, please. It can save you from sentences like this.
Then, she come to the academy at the age of 5 and met Sasuke.
Wait what?
Why would the Akatsuki let her go to the Academy, much less Konoha? They would train that little shit on their own terms, they wouldn't send her off to possibly expose them.
Her thoughts and everything is not just a five year old thinking.
Why is proof reading so hard? Please tell me.
Even when it comes to love, she's more mature than those who were far younger.
I'd hope she'd be more mature than those who're younger than her.
This is her story. Enjoy~
Oh shit. Straight out the cut.
I keep seeing the reoccurring problem of your writing sounding unfinished. Take the time to flesh out sentences and review them.
"What is this brat doing?!" The blue skin man yelled, she just shivered. "What's your name?" another man asked. "Cherry Blossom" the girl answered, showing no fear.
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Cherry Blossom... I'm still not over that name.
Anyways, her family was just massacred (Who does that sound like? Take a guess.) and she's not the least bit concerned about these two men? Okay, sounds legit.
By the way, why did you label her as "the girl"? We know who she is. It seems a bit redundant.
"Do you know who we are?" Both of them asked. "Kisame and Itachi from Akatsuki" she answered. Itatchi and Kisame is really shocked now. A little kid, knowing who they are,and have the power of the Gods. "Let's bring her to Nagato"
No. NEITHER of them would refer to their leader as Nagato. They would call him Pein-sama. Educate yourself. I also highly doubt that they would just take some kid who claimed to have godly powers to their leader. They're a criminal organization and have more important tasks at hand.
