Tangled Red Strings of Fate | Chanbaek/Kaisoo

3. Like I can

"I will! Bye."

•

Park Chanyeol lay unconscious in his bed. Bottles of different beers and wine was all over the floor. After that incident with Kyungsoo, he grew worse. He was drinking expensive whiskey again. He looked dreadful. A few buttons of his coat was unbuttoned. His hair was messy and his eyes were swollen. His foot was dangling on one side of the bed.

What might be the reason why he's drunk again? Well, he just saw Baekhyun and her oh-so-precious girlfriend this afternoon, happily chatting and eating the lunch she made for him.

The door flung open and Chanyeol's sister entered his room. If Chanyeol was awake right now, he probably would have thought that her sister would scold her. But no, she didn't.

She picked up the empty bottles and threw them on the side of his closet. She walked to his bed and pushed his mussed hair away from his forehead. She sighed.

"Chanyeol, Park pabo Chanyeol, you have your sister here but your just bottling up your frustrations." She can feel stinging in her eyes. "You're such a douche to me, I can take that, but what I can't take is when you're like this." Teardrops runner in her face. She wiped the tears that fell on her brother's face. "Why are you like this? What's bothering you? I hope I can do something to lessen your pain. Cha-Chan... yeol." She buried his face on his brother's chest. She cried and cried. Frustration is eating her because she feels that she's not good enough as a sister for her little brother. She patted his head. Chanyeol grunted and swatted her hand away but still sleeping.

She just chuckled and muttered, "Pabo.." She kissed his cheek and went out to make dinner.

•

I stared at my hand and closed my eyes. I added another to my collection of a hundred sighs I managed to do awhile ago while finding the guts to go in. You can do this, Jongin. Focus. You just wanted to visit him and know what he was up to the past two weeks. Okay? Don't be a baby.

I was and am ready to open the door when the door itself flew open. And I was face to face with an owl-eyed zombie. He looked blankly at me and silence wrapped the both of us. His gaze fell on the basket beside the door then back at me. He blinked and walked inside.

I followed him inside his home. It's not that spacious because everything was connected. The living room, kitchen, dining room and the door that seems to be his room, he went there.

I entered the room.

Glow in the dark stars were sticked on the ceiling, emphasizing the color of the room, navy blue. It was a normal room. With a door, a window and a table where all his personal things were in. A coffee table was beside a human-sized bed. Where he — Kyungsoo was laying face-forward. He looked tired. There's something wrong.

It hurts me to see him like this. He looks devastated, lifeless.

"K-kyungsoo."

"Go away, Jongin."

"Kyungsoo, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Get out."

"No. I know there's something wrong. If you have problems, you can tell me." I stepped closer to him and took a seat next to him on the bed.

"I SAID NOTHING'S WRONG!" He sat up and pushed me. I was startled by his sudden burst.

"Get away, Jongin. I don't need you!" He put his hands on my chest and pushed me away again, surprising me.

"I think you do. Kyungsoo, come on. Tell me what's wrong." What surprised me even more was when I saw beads of tears falling from his eyes. He pressed both of his palms on his face and sobbed. He looked so tiny and fragile in that state. I can't take it anymore I pulled his arm and hugged him.

"Sssh.. stop it Kyungsoo."

We stayed in that position for a few minutes he said something that broke my heart into a million pieces.

"Why can't he love me? Why can't he?"

"Why not me? Why does it have to be Baekhyun? Why?!"

"I did everything. I changed for him. I love him. But why doesn't he notice me? Why did he notice Baekhyun? Why? Why can't he notice me?"

"Why Chanyeol, why? WHY?!"

I was startled to hear him getting so frustrated, and it's not just that, the fact that Chanyeol causes it, I felt stinging in my chest. Why does it have to be Chanyeol? I couldn't take the pain anymore. My mind went blank. I just pushed him away. He was taken aback by my sudden outburst. I stood up.

I ran my hands on my face and nearly pull out my hair because of too much frustration. "K-kyungsoo..can you just.. if you.. just please.." I shook my head and ran out of the house. I heard my name being called when I went inside the car.

I drove away. Away from his house, away from him. A couple of blocks later, a little kid ran past my moving car and I had to press the breaks immediately. I looked at myself on the rearview mirror. My face was wet with tears. A whacked the wheel and yelled.

Why do you have to hurt me like this?

•

I was left stunned on my bed, with tear stained cheeks, bloodshot eyes, looking lifeless as Jongin ran out of my house. His sudden outburst is out of the blue. And why did he yell at me?

I can feel pricking in my eyes again as I recall how Jongin looks just few moments ago. He's fuming with anger? Is it anger? I don't know.It's my first time to see him like that, and it scared me.

I buried my face into the duvet and cried my lungs out. Now that I don't have Chanyeol, Jongin walked out on me too. I'm now on my own. I feel so alone.

I have so much to say, but no one to listen. My head is full of things that I can't even fathom. I really so close to total mental breakdown right now. It feels like I'm inside of a nightmare, and it's very terrifying, terrifying that it's hard to wake up from a nightmare when you're not even asleep.

And that night, I cried myself to sleep.

•

I continue to drove without a destination. Turned on the radio and a random music blurted out.

Why are you looking down all the wrong roads?
When mine is the heart and the salt of the soul
There may be lovers who hold out their hands
But they'll never love you like I can, can, can
They'll never love you like I can, can, can

They'll never love you like I can, can, can

"He'll never love you like I can..." I'm fucking crying. Kyungsoo made me cry, this is the first time, I'm a fucking wimp. My heart aches, as if my heart is chained and it's continuously tightening. My vision is blurred because of too much tears. Will a car crash on me?

We both have demons, that we can't stand
I love your demons, like devils can
If you're self-seeking an honest man
Then stop deceiving,
Lord, please

Will I die? Because right now, I feel like dying.

As I see the familiar blinking light of an establishment, I pull aside. I walked out of my car and entered inside. There are few people inside. I guess I'll just need to wash my frustrations away with alcohol.

I need the strongest drink to wash this thought on my brain So I walked to the barista and ordered my drink. "Minseok, one Ginger Yule please."

"Coming up!" Said the barista.

As I wait for my drink, a pleasant surprise emerged beside me.

"Mr. Kim..."

That voice. I know who it is even without turning my head. I guess this will be a long night... Baekhyun.