He Told Me To Walk This Way

"It'll Never Work Out Because..."

“Me too. Hey, this is the last song” I said.

She smiled. “Yeah…when we go backstage I’ll tell him, okay? Remember, you agreed to whatever happens.”

“Right.” I said, feeling a knot form in my stomach. 

“But don’t worry girl, I got a good feeling about this” Angela giggled.

“That’s called vodka, Angela”.

Backstage Steven and the rest of the guys were talking to a small group of fans. The whole room was a shockingly bright orange, in huge contrast to the rest of the building. When they saw Angela and me coming they looked up and Steven said, “My favorite fan, here she comes”. I hoped he was talking about me.

“That was totally awesome” I said.

“Yeah, you guys are gonna be so big” Angela commented.

After most of the other fans left, Steven leaned over to the small coffee table in front of the small couch that they were all sitting on and offered us a seat while he busied himself with cutting a small amount of cocaine with a business card. Angela and I sat down. We’d never seen him, or anyone for that matter, do any kind of hard drugs. In fact, we’d never seen any type of drug except weed, which was as common as corn on the cob. So by this new substance we were fascinated.

“Is that cocaine?” Angela asked.

“It’s coke, yeah.” Joe answered.

Steven seemed to be entranced by it. Finally he answered. “Yeah, you want some? I don’t have all that much but for my best girl friend I could spare some.”

My curiosity was piqued.

Angela and I watched as he made three neat lines of the powder. Then he rolled up a dollar bill and put his face almost against the mirror that the coke was on. We could hear him snort it, and instantly we were curious, and, despite what we might have said then, wanted to try it out. I did have one concern though, and that was how Steven was going to take the news when he was high. I would have vastly preferred that he be sober when he found out about my feelings for him. I was almost saddened by the fact that he was already getting high.

Joe was reading a Playboy and smoking what I could only imagine was a joint, ignoring us for the most part.

“You’ve never done this before have you?” Steven asked both of us, laughing.

“No”, we answered at the same time. Steven smiled and laughed again. He laid out three more lines and held out the rolled up dollar bill, waiting for one of us to take it.

“You go first”, Angela urged.

“Doesn’t it hurt?” I asked at the last moment.

“The first time it probably will. Like…” He paused to think of a suitable metaphor, “sex. But don’t worry; just do it fast and get it over with. The high’s worth it.”

I was scared but I had to trust Steven. He was my friend, and I certainly didn’t want to be a buzz-kill when he was about to find out that I was in love with him.  But finally I took the dollar bill from his hand and leaned down to the first line of cocaine. With one quick motion, I ingested the entire line. It stung like hell and I felt a nosebleed coming on. I lifted my head up and held my nose, breathing heavily.

Steven bent over laughing. “God; you did it so fast.”

Angela was watching nervously but when Steven looked at her she tried to act cool. “Whatever”, she calmly took the dollar bill and acted like a pro. “Gimme that.” She snorted the second line in about the same time it took Steven to do three. After she was done her nose looked a little red, but it wasn’t bleeding. “Wow.”

“Now you wait” Steven said as he leaned back against the couch.

“So, does this stuff, like seem all like, trippy when you’re high on this?” Angela asked like a dork.

“It’s not acid baby girl. It’s more like, well, think of it as a really strong cup of coffee” Steven chuckled as he poured a shot of tequila.

“Oh ok...” Angela said, her eyes watering. It looked like she wasn’t feeling too well.

Steven looked up. “You ok?”

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about me.” Angela downed a shot if the tequila and shook her head, apparently overwhelmed by the concentration of the alcohol. “Ok Steven, time for a serious talk. Gin here, ya see, she kind of has a crush on you.” Angela looked happy, and relieved that she had finally gotten it out. I knew I was blushing worse than ever.

“That true, Gin?” Steven asked, flicking the ashes of a cigarette, his eyes squinted. He moved closer and put his arm around me. When his body met mine it felt like a thousand bolts of lightning hitting me all at once. It felt like every bit of oxygen had been sucked from my body then replaced by something so shockingly sweet that I regained the ability to breathe. I enjoyed so much being close to him.

 “Well…yeah.” I looked up and was surprised to be looking straight into his beautiful brown eyes. My heart skipped a beat and I sucked in a short breath of smoky air.

“Really? Wow. Well, I mean, I like you and we’re friends. But...” He looked down, thinking about what to say.

“I know. It’ll never work out because we’re friends. And you’d never have time to be with me and I should never have let you find out. I don’t even know why I thought this was a good idea.” I cut him off, tears forming in my eyes. I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me, not wanting him to see me crying. Inside, I sat down on the toilet and tried to keep myself from crying. In between my muffled sobs I could hear Angela walking toward the door.

“Go away, Angie” I said in a gravelly voice. Things seemed way worse when I was high. The letdown was probably much more crushing that it would have been if I wasn’t fucked up.

I saw the doorknob turn and I stood up, wiping my tears frantically. I didn’t want Angela to see me so messed up over a guy. But much to my surprise, it wasn’t Angela at the door. Instead, Steven stood in front of me. He closed the door and took a step closer to me.

“Ginger,” he started.

“What?” I asked, feigning annoyance in order to mask my sadness.

“I want to give it a shot.”

“Give what a shot?” I asked, hoping he’d answer with something that I knew he would never say.

He took another step closer to me and wiped a single tear that had fallen away from my cheek. He looked into my eyes and started moving in closer to me. Soon the only thing I could think about was what was happening to me. I was no longer in my body. No, I was somewhere else. Somewhere I wanted to stay for the rest of my life.  I was in Steven’s arms and he was kissing me. It wasn’t a friendly kiss either. It was so full of passion and lust that I couldn’t help but forget any nervousness I was feeling, and begin reciprocating our kiss. His hands moved down my shoulders to the small of my back where he pulled me in closer. I held onto him for dear life. It was as if we would die if we let go of one another. The whole thing must have lasted thirty five seconds.  Mental Note: Ask Angela what a thirty-five second kiss means.

When we separated from each other he put his thumb under my chin so I was looking up to him. “You feel better now?” He asked.

I smiled. “A little” I lied, knowing that Steven was aware how happy he’d just made me.

Steven put his arm over my shoulder and we walked back into the backstage area like that. When Angela spotted the two of us she smiled at me. Joe looked up and started clapping. “How many bases you get to, Steven?” He asked.

"For your information, first” I snapped at Joe playfully.

“But it’s only  10 o’clock” Steven said, putting his arm around my waist and laughing.