LJ10

LJ10 - Part 21

Taking a little break to sort out my thoughts, I made sure to look into her eyes and saw nothing but affection and genuine interest in them. Therefore I continued.

„Going to therapy, I realized that the pressure I put on myself in that environment can be very unhealthy," I resumed sharing my feelings. „I want to be successful but not at the expense of my health. Being that I have a tendency to be self-destructive, I'm questioning whether working there is the best option for me right now or something I can postpone to later in life when I'm in a better frame of mind. Does that make any sense?"

„Makes perfect sense," Camila immediately responded supportingly. „I'm actually proud that you have so much insight into what you feel right now. It's nice to see you taking care of your own needs. And if that means you go back to playing soccer, I definitely don't mind," she added with a smile.

„Yeah...about that," I hesitated and inhaled deeply. „I've been doing some research and talked to some people," I revealed as my girlfriend lifted her eyebrows. „If I want to play for a team in the league, I'd have to go through the College Draft."

There were many ways for a soccer team to recruit players and depending on what category the players are put in, there was a mechanism to acquire players. The College Draft was only one of many but inevitable in my case. Obviously that limited my options and power to decide where I wanted to go.

„What? Why?" the brown-eyes questioned in confusion. „You're not a graduate anymore and already played in the league."

„I know," I sighed. „What they told me was that technically I've never played after graduating. Even though I played for the Boston Breakers, I was still in college at the time. That's why they would consider me for the College Draft."

I saw the wheels in Camila's head turning. She was trying to piece the information I was giving her together and looked more anxious than before.

„If you register for the Draft, you're going to be everyone's first pick," she said.

„You don't know that," I disagreed quietly. „I haven't played in a long time and there are some amazing young players."

„Lauren, please," the left midfielder smiled weakly. „You're one of the best players of our generation, if not the best. I guess...I'm just wondering because New York doesn't have the first pick in the draft. Orlando does." Gulping lightly, I nodded and watched her facial features growing more concerned. „So, you would go to Orlando?" I heard the mixture of surprise and slight fear in her voice.

„Camila, I haven't really decided on anything yet," I tried to appease since she seemed overwhelmed. „It's something I've been thinking about and if I have to go to Orlando for the season, it wouldn't be permanent. I'd play there for the first season to get back into it and then I could transfer to New York. Which is what I want, obviously. I want to be here with you and Lara. The last thing I want is to ruin what we have right now."

My girlfriend was silent. I assumed she was still processing and that was nerve-wracking. Not being able to stand the silence, I continued rambling.

„If you think about it, the season lasts only for a few months and I'd come back right after," I kept going nervously. „I'm sure I can work something out with Orlando and New York so I can play here next season. For now I can't make any demands since I'm just starting again. But the goal is to come back here to be with you so we have more time together. Maybe I get called back to the national team as well so we'd see each other for camps and stuff-"

„Lauren," Camila cut me off before taking a very deep breath. „I understand. Just give me a moment to let it sink in."

„I'm sorry," I apologized instantly but she shook her head.