Seungcheol~~~
I woke up to a clicking sound. I sat up in my bed looking around in the dark trying to find the source. It'd been the door to my room. I didn't think nothing of it since I was half asleep. I laid back down but noticed that my bed was missing the warm body I previously had been snuggled by. That made me sit back up. In normal circumstances you'd think, ' hey he must be in the bathroom ' or something normal like that but I knew the missing angel better than that. It'd been three weeks since our incident and Jeonghan had been having nightmares. He doesn't know I knew he hasn't been sleeping through the night but I do. Every time he has a nightmare he'll wake up and climb out of bed trying not to wake me. It bothered me that he didn't want me to know about this. I felt like he didn't think I could help. This same thing has happened 5 times. I thought that maybe he would get over it on his own but it seems to be getting worse. I climbed out of bed deciding I would go talk to him. Even if he didn't want me to see him like that it was hurting me to see him so exhausted through out practices and performances.
I quietly opened the door and tiptoed out the room. Then I made my way around the dorm looking for Jeonghan. Surprisingly he was no where to be found. It worried me. He wouldn't just leave and not tell anyone right? I started to walk back to my room hoping he didn't leave his phone so I could call him, but I heard a sniffle. Followed by another. It was coming from the front door. I noticed it was cracked a bit just barely enough to let in the cool November air. I walked closer hearing hiccups and sniffles. It tore my heart up. He keeps acting like he's fine to keep me happy and then he suffers alone. What kind of boyfriend am I?
I pulled the door open not being able to listen to the broken cries anymore. When I opened the door the long haired boy I was hoping to see was sitting shivering in the cold. His head was resting on his knees and he sat on the door step unaware of his surroundings. I went back inside heading to the living room closet. I grabbed a large bed cover that was one of the members awhile ago. Then I walked back out and tossed the blanket over Jeonghans shoulders. He jumped nearly screaming. Then he turned around and his face paled. I frowned at him and closed the front door behind me. I crossed my arms and stood above him staring. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.
" s-Seungcheol I-" he said getting choked up and looking down. I sighed feeling bad for him and sat down next to him. I pulled the blanket around me and wrapped my arm around his waist. He automatically leaned into me and I felt how bad he was shaking.
I kissed his head before speaking," Jeonghan." I said softly but he wouldn't look at me he kept his eyes down and continued to sniffle. The darkness around us kept his face hidden but by the way he shivered I knew he'd been out here awhile, I didn't even need to see the exhausted look on his face to tell me that.
" angel look at me.." I said over flowing with concern. I needed him to trust me with all of his fears so that way I could protect him, make him safe. If he felt he couldn't tell me nothing would get better. He hesitantly looked at me and the moonlight illuminated the redness of his eyes. I tried to smile so he wouldn't think I was mad.
" tell me why your crying baby." I whispered in the same soft manner I'd done before. His eyes flickered with fear. He stared at me with those hurting eyes for a few seconds before shaking his head childishly and turning away from my body. Feeling that his mood was becoming more comfortable and playful I groaned and pulled him onto my lap. He struggled in my hold but relaxed after realizing he wasn't getting away. I sat crisscrossed with him outstretched on my thighs, my arms around his waist and holding his hands at the front. He leaned into me and I put my head on his shoulder smelling a lemony sweet fragrance.
" are you having bad dreams baby?" I asked wanting him to tell me his dark secrets so that I could save him from enduring them alone. I felt his body stiffen and after a few seconds he nodded slowly. I tightened my grip on his body to the point I could feel his fast heart beat.
" why didn't you tell me?" I asked stroking his hand.
" I-I didn't want you worried..." He said quietly. I turned my head to the side and kissed his cheek that was slightly damp from new tears.
" it's my job to worry about you if I didn't want to worry about you I would've never asked you out angel face.." I said smiling remembering the many times I'd nearly had heart attacks from him over working himself before debut. How I had to go to the restroom and count to ten so I wouldn't start crying from panic in front of the members. Even if we weren't dating then seeing him in any type of discomfort would cause me to freak out. I knew from the moment I'd laid eyes on him that something would be different for us. Even if we were young I knew I'd love him more than the others. After a few moments of silence Jeonghan turned around and wrapped his legs around my waist. He put his arms on my shoulders and rested his head on mine.
" I c-can't forget about... That guy." He said eyes closed and frown showing," everything I do he just pops up, he's in my dreams when I sleep, while I eat I remember the way his breath smelt and it makes my stomach turn, when I shower I feel like his eyes are still on me. Damnit I just want to forget him and the way he made me want to throw up. The way he makes me feel disgusted with myself and my body cheol. God I just to feel beautiful again, not like trash. Seungcheol am I trash. Have I really lost my value? That's what I feel like.." He said crying out like it wasn't 2:30 in the morning and we weren't sitting outside so everyone could here. I had know clue he was hurting this badly. He hid it very well at least. I knew he hadn't been eating well and that his sleep was messed up but I had no idea he felt hatred toward himself.
" Jeonghan your the most beautiful person I've ever seen." I said kissing his quivering lips," I value more than my own life! I would take a million bullets to my balls for you, if your trash than I want to be the trash can your put in baby. You mean so much to me and I don't want you to feel down anymore." I said smiling trying to get him to laugh. He smiled but didn't laugh making me feel like my words didn't work well enough like he couldn't trust them.
" if that's true then why won't you touch me? I saw the fake smile you put on when you saw the marks that guy left do you not want me?" He asked in a harsh tone confirming the distrust. He put his head in the crook of my neck hiding the frown I knew returned to his face. It wasn't that he digested me it was the fact the someone had touched him that angered me.
" babe you had nothing to do with that. I was just... I don't know jealous that someone else was able to mark you." I said feeling petty. It wasn't like Jeonghan wanted it I made him feel ashamed because I was selfish.
" then how come we still haven't done it, the marks are gone now. All I have burned in my memory is the way that guy felt and how rough he was. I want to feel the way you touch me cheol. It feels like decades ago. I want good memories not bad ones." He said quietly making my blood rush. I felt slightly turned on by the way he was speaking letting his breath brush against my neck.
" mhm if I'm not mistaken your asking me to fuck you correct?" I asked chuckling when I heard Jeonghan gulp.
" please daddy?" He whispered in my ear. Who am I to deny an angel?
Before I could agree I needed to know if he'd tell me if he felt bad about himself from then on.
" only if you agree to tell me when you feel bad okay?" I asked picking up Jeonghan as I stood, his legs still around my waist.
" anything for you daddy..." And that one sentence was all I needed to stimulate my senses and fuck his brains out.
~~~~
Sorry if this was bad I was trying to get something up and then I thought, hey why not some smut before shit goes down? So next chapter should be fun and then be prepared for some sadness. But hey I'm one for happy endings so don't worry to much. 👌🏽
