Keira

f o u r t e e n

Keira has done a lot of bad things. Among those, stealing hearts and tearing them in half.

She doesn't exactly know why she does it. Maybe it's for that temporary rush, the powerful feeling of being in control of someone, holding the most fragile piece of them by the fingertips.

Maybe it's because she thinks that their broken hearts will fix her's.

But none of the pieces fit quite right.

She's so good at manipulation that it's almost pitiful- for the boys that she toys with at least.

Out of all the hearts that she's broken, she's never felt regret. She's never felt guilt cloud her mind as she saw the light fade from their eyes, desperately denying, pleading, begging Keira to tell them she didn't mean it.

Out of all the hearts, she was only ever sorry for making one bleed.

Just one.

His name was Allen.

His heart was gold.

He was absolutely everything.

And that terrified Keira. She'd never fallen for anyone so hard since...him.

Falling apart is so easy. It's being whole again that's hard.

She remembers vividly the day that she told him her cruelest lie.

She remembers his face and the pain that gripped her chest as she choked out words she didn't mean.

She's sorry. But words don't heal wounds.

It was the day that Allen took Keira out to dinner on a date. They had ice cream sundaes as their main meal, simply for spontaneity's sake.

Afterwards, they walked around town, admiring the lights strung up for Christmas, dancing orbs of jubilance and merriment sparkling in their eyes.

"Dance with me," he said to Keira. She just laughed.

"Right now?"

"Right now." His grin was cheeky and contagious, and soon Keira was letting laughter bubble from her lips.

"Okay."

Their hands intertwined, and, in the middle of an empty sidewalk, they danced under the streetlights, twirling like leaves falling from a tree.

Allen never liked his eyes. Keira loved them.

They were pale brown, clear, and thoughtful. He thought they were plain and boring.

As she stared into his eyes, the ones that held the stars, she knew that she was crossing so many lines. Breaking so many of her own rules.

"Don't fall in love. With anyone. Ever."

But she did. She loved him. She told him. She meant it.

"Don't trust anyone. You can't. They'll only end up hurting you."

Keira stopped abruptly, stepping out of his arms.

Her mother then turned and left, without saying goodbye, those cruel words the only advice that she'd left Keira to fend for herself with.

"I don't love you anymore." She whispered.

"Come back!" She shrieked at the car pulling out of the driveway. She chased it down the street until she couldn't keep up anymore and crashed into the side of a post, leaning on it as she shook, tears streaming down her face, breaking down at three am, before the sun had even risen.

His laughter faded as fast as it had come, coldness rushing in to fill the silence.

"You're lying." She was.

"How could you just leave me? Don't you care at all?"

His voice shook and it hurt more than anything else ever did.

Keira sobbed and slammed her fist into the post, feeling pain shoot through her hand. It was nothing compared to what she felt in that moment.

"I'm not. I don't love you Allen." She said numbly, distancing herself from him, wrapping her arms around her bare shoulders.

"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it." Tears pooled in Allen's eyes and it hurt her more than he'd ever know to see him like that. "This isn't real."

Keira felt her own heart, the one claimed to be frozen solid, begin to thaw when she was with Allen.

Reverberating screams. Slamming bedroom doors. Heart wrenching sobs. Cutthroat silences. One person dinners. Falling asleep waiting for someone to come home.

"It's real."

"No, no, please, Keira..." She backed away, watching the stars in his eyes fall and spill over his cheeks.

They never came home.

There will never be words to describe how that night felt. The emotions electrifying the air didn't have names.

Allen still insisted on dropping Keira off at her home to make sure she got there safely, not driving away until he saw her close the door to her house.

"I'm sorry." She told him. And it was the most truthful thing she'd ever said.

Allen just shook his head. His face was pallid and stained with the ghost of dried tears. "I still love you." He looked at her pleadingly, and Keira knew that if she looked into his eyes, his beautiful eyes that held the stars, she would've taken back everything she said that night. So she averted her gaze as he spoke. "I don't know if I'll ever stop. But I can't forgive you for breaking my heart." His voice wavered at the last line. She could feel knives cutting into her skin with every word. But she deserved it.

She nodded. She understood. She wouldn't forgive herself either.

And she never did.