Yes indeed YES INDEED! A Naruto fanfic has been chosen for our first critique. Naruto was the first anime we watched so it only seemed appropriate. We'll be scouring Wattpad for gut-wrenching Mary Sues to add to this book of atrocities. So prepare y...
Iruka sensai came into the room, pulling a blonde spiky haired boy I knew as Uzumaki Naruto wrapped in ropes.
Hold on wait a minute whoah. What the hell is that jumbled mess of symbols up there. Did your character have a seizure? Wha... Wait you're using that to show a time skip?!? Characters such as those are used to censor cussing, not show the passage of time. It reads as if Yuki's Kekkei Genkai is teleportation induced Turrets. Anything else please.
Problemo. Numero. Dos.
Iruka sensai-
Oops! Această imagine nu respectă Ghidul de Conținut. Pentru a continua publicarea, te rugăm să înlături imaginea sau să încarci o altă imagine.
Really. Sensai. Even Google, which could translate " What page is the Spanish homework?" to "Let's ride tacos butt ass naked into the sunset.", got this one right. I have faith that you can too.
"Because of Naruto, we will be reviewing the Transformation Jutsu by you all transforming perfectly into me." -
Just...what even. This sounds so wrong. I get what you're saying but the order of the words made me frown. Please, rearrange them. The paragraph goes on explaining how Sasuke, Sakura, and the Sue perfectly executed the Jutsu. Naruto instead did his trademark Sexy Jutsu, which is exactly what happened in episode one. I'm hoping that the plot of this isn't exactly the same as the first episode.
(Little did I know motherfucker. Little did I know).
I opened the door to reveal the duck butt haired boy. Wasn't his name like Sasuke, or something.
IT LIKE TOTALLY IS GURL.
"Can I help you?" I asked with a bit of suspicion in my voice.
"Uh, you left your kunai in class...I was returning it." He said quietly, as though he didn't really want to be here at the moment.
Oops! Această imagine nu respectă Ghidul de Conținut. Pentru a continua publicarea, te rugăm să înlături imaginea sau să încarci o altă imagine.
Sasuke doesn't give two shits about anyone right now. His main focus is to learn all he can in order to kill Itachi. Why the hell would he go out of his way to give a random girl her kunai? Sasuke sure as hell doesn't stutter either. There are no "uhs" or "ums" in his vocabulary. Reign in the out of character traits please.
Well, there was Naruto. I could try to befriend him, to add some excitement to life...
Wow. "I'm going to befriend this guy just so I can use him as a source of amusement." What an upstanding kunoichi. Ten out of ten CareBear hearts.
