Mad Hatter |George Daniel|

21

Ross and George were traveling in and outside of the house constantly all morning while I ate at the kitchen island. Both of them brought Christmas decorations and a hefty ammount of booze into the fridge. "Why are you guys stalking up on jack and wines?" I asked while setting my empty bowl in the sink.

"Well Christmas is in five days, non of us having merely enough shopping done so we went out to get the tree up, did the rest of our shopping and now were going to have a party for the end of the year." Ross says with enthusiasm as he rushes back to the front door.

"Ever heard of New Years?" I asked with a laugh while looking through a box of tinsel in the kitchen. I've never been a fan of Christmas anyway so getting a little drunk wouldn't be too bad. I thought about getting Gee something he always wanted and I've got to get gifts for everyone. And I had five days. Part of me wanted to go shopping alone but I do not want to show my face alone, not after all this mess.

"So pregame Christmas really?" I asked, picking up a few bottles and checking them out for myself. It looked like they really went out on some expensive booze. "When do we start?"

"Whenever we want, duh." George shakes his head and comes over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and I read each bottle. "It's only eight, Matty should be home after he picks up Adam and some friends. Why not get to it now?" He nudged my shoulder and give me a wink making me turn my attention to him even more. His smile looked just as wicked after what we did and something in me felt uneasy knowing that I told Matty without hesitation. Gladly he kept it between us.

"Just the three of us?" I ask with a little confusion leaking from my words.

"A party is a party Luan!" Ross shouts, holding up his car keys and an empty glass that was eager to be filled. There's no hesitation in my reaction as I just snatched up a wine bottle and tore off the wrapping with my teeth. Eyeing Gee as he looks down at me with with glossy sly eyes and a smirk.

"I insist a wine opener, George." I shoot his name out, holding up the full bottle of wine with disappointment in my eyes. Something in me wanting to drink away what I've been rethinking about for the past 2 months. Chaos. "Fuck." I whisper to myself, glancing at the ground where my feet held me. Felt like the floor was gone, I was too fond of being guilty to even stand in my new home right here after what I have done.

"I've got you!" The front door slams making my ears ring. Clicking of boot on the hardwood floor very clearly heard from the kitchen. "I'm stalked up." Adam announced, holding up brown paper bags in both his jolly hands, his teeth shinning on show as he walked into the kitchen. Greeting us, a not so happy curly haired drunken lad walks in holding only a bottle of jack with his hood up. Head down like he was in shame. Or time-out on himself.

George looked at his short raven haried friend with some frown as I gripped the wine in my hand tighter. Scooting behind George as Matty evidently waltz into the kitchen. A pure look of disagreement on his face. It gave me a shiver. "Matty. . ." Gee called out firmly.

"I am ever so delighted to be here." His head lifts as so does his arms in plea. As if he were praying to a god. Sarcasrticlly he poses as if he were to die dramarically then his arms dropped down to his side. "I'm staying fucking sober." He cused, clanking the unopened bottle of jack on the kitchen counter, turning around and fading down the hall to his room.

"Well. . ." I pester. "Drink up Gee." I hand him the bottle and sped my way out of the kitchen to sit on the couch near out in the den. Putting my head in my hands like Matty's cry and mocked him. "Why the fuck does all this happen to me?" I speak lowly looking down at my hands as I sunk back into the couch.

"You sound stressed." And starkly voice called out within the quite room. Ross leans against the couch now two glasses of wine filled to the brim. "What's bugging you Luana?" He sits and hands me one, I take it but imediatly set it on the coffee table, not feeling up for booze at the moment when I could taste tears more than processed grape.

"I've done something I shouldn't have." I lean my head on his shoulder, shutting my eyes tightly and letting out a shaky breath. "And the guilt is eating me alive."

"What did you do love?" He sets his own glass next to mine and sets a friendly arm around my shoulder, giving me a look of concern.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you." I spit, feeling my stomach turn over on me. I grab the glass suddenly needing a source of substance to ease all the waves of wonder in my head. My hands shook as I raised it to my lips and shrugged after a rather large gulp. "Ross." I mumble. "I hurt someone, and I can never fix their wounds I inflicted."

He raised an eyebrow in surprised before standing up. "Cmon." He holds out a hand and carries his glass with him. I stand too, feeling just once glass of fine wine to make me dizzy. I hated being a lightweight. As we wager through the halls I don't question it. Our hands are gently entwined as we head to Gee and I's room, a small trickle of tears on my cheeks in shame. This guilt I felt started to make me miserable, I wanted to rub it off like sharpie on paper but you can't erase something this permanent. Part of being still questions how the hell we got away with it and what was up next? It's been two weeks of nothing but sitting around hoping nothing happens and if someone does, I don't want George to be the blame. "Now now," we sit on the end of the bed where half of my junk and half of Gee's laid at the floor. I cross my legs and take another eager sip while looking at his through his lashes. "What's wrong?" He leans over to wipe tears from my eyes looking pouty.

"I told you." I crack, covering my hand over my mouth as a regretful son escaped my lips. My body shaking in the process. "I can't say, it's too drastic."

"Does George know about it?"

"He's part of it. . ." I mumble. "And honestly I don't want to talk about it, but I want to at the same time. It eats me alive and sits in the back of my brain."

"Sweetheart I can't help you unless you tell me." Ross moans and runs a hand through my hair, looking at me with sincere eyes. God I'm so lucky to call him my best friend but so damn unlucky to be facing this moment. I can't tell my best friend I murdered someone, it would repel him away from me. He's such an important person in my life just the rest of the guys. Ross has seen me grow since the sixth grade, something like this could throw our friendship away. And that was not happening on my watch.