cryptic ⋙ calum hood

8. Cassie

trigger warning

The hot water of the shower pounded against my skin the same way my thoughts did inside my head as I cradled my knees to my chest, sobbing violently. The water drowned out the sounds of my heaving, and I clutched a blade between my fingers. Glinting silver had called to me, becoming my best friend once again. I told myself I would stop. Old habits never seem to die.

My head spun as I released myself from the almost-ball I was curled into, and stared at my wrist. the scabs were practically gone from my previous cuts, and all that remained were faded scars and a few darker ones that had been more recent. What if someone saw? Bracelets and makeup could easily cover old scars, but I couldn’t cut here.

Biting my lip, I pressed the blade against the pale, unmarked skin of my left hip. Dragging it across my flesh, I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I repeated my actions three times before opening my eyes and watching the water around me swirl red. My eyes burned, and now so did my hip. The colors returned to my mind with the relief found in this sickening addiction, and I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

I felt ridiculous. He hadn’t even raped me. I felt dirty, though. I wasn’t ready for school tomorrow, and I had been ignoring Parker all weekend. I felt like a slut, knowing it was my fault for having gone to the party with him in the first place. I stood up and washed my hair quickly, stepping out of the shower and drying myself off carefully so I wouldn’t irritate the raw injuries I had inflicted on myself. After bandaging my cuts, I got dressed and walked down the stairs.

“I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” I stood on the bottom stair and my parents looked up at me.

“Isn’t it early?” My mother seemed confused.

“I’m not feeling well, I think I should just get some sleep.”

“Have you finished your homework?” My father asked sternly.

“I finished it all yesterday. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Cassandra,” my mom spoke and my dad gave me a small nod before I retreated to my bedroom. I had excused myself for the night, and I crawled into bed with tears resurfacing, burning my eyes farther.

I was alone. I had no one to talk to, and even if I did, they wouldn’t care. I held so much anger towards myself. I overreacted to everything and I was weak and pathetic. With my face buried in my pillow, I thought of what I could do.

I could talk to Cedar.

I lifted my face slowly, and got out of bed, finding my computer on my desk and bringing it back to where I had been laying. I pulled up the blog quickly.

I was never good at asking for advice and had no idea what to say or where to start. I sat in front of the screen for twenty minutes, typing a few words, erasing them, and repeating this over and over. I finally gave up and decided not to send him a message afterall.

By now, I had stopped crying. I laid my laptop on my bedside table and grabbed my phone to set an alarm. I had two texts from Parker, which I deleted without reading, and one from Calum.

‘Need a ride to school?’

With a smile I texted him back. ‘Would be nice’

‘Done! I’ll pick Luke up then come for you’

‘Thanks Cal. I’m going to bed now, goodnight’

‘Night Cass.’

 

***

I stepped out into the morning air, slightly chilly, but just barely with the sun glaring into my eyes. Cal’s black car sat in the driveway and I spotted Luke’s blond hair in the passenger seat. I approached with a grin and gave a little wave, opening the door to the back seat.