Mommy ✓

twelve

C H A P T E R  T W E L V E

☆☆☆

ANNA CARSON

☆☆☆

By the time the sun had risen, my eyes fluttered open slowly and with a groan, I sat upright and rubbed at my throbbing temples. I’d had a restless sleep last night and had tossed and turned into the new day.

It had everything to do with had had happened last night with Paiten. I couldn’t shake the feeling of disgust with myself as I’d left Paiten in the living room last night.

I had taken advantage of her; she was vulnerable and had trusted me enough to open up to me about her feelings – feelings she hadn’t shared with anyone else and I’d abused that.

Paiten was only seventeen and although she was old enough to give her consent, I was the adult in the situation. A full seven years her senior, I shouldn’t have let the kiss happen.

I wasn’t entirely sure on who truly initiated the kiss – if if was me that leaned down or her that pushed up but that didn’t matter. I should’ve disconnected our lips the moment they touched, disentangle myself from her and apologized.

It didn’t matter how right kissing her felt – and dear God was it amazing. I’d known the moment I’d laid eyes on her and studied her facial features that her lips would be soft and intoxicating and I hadn’t been wrong.

Paiten fit perfectly in my arms too and holding her was the most natural thing. She smelled homely too, like lavender and something else that reminded me of youth and innocence. I could’ve held her close to me all night long, just to ingrain that smell into my system so that I never forget it.

But none of that mattered, not her soft lips or her perfect body. All that mattered was that she deserved an apology and I was still waiting for the burst of courage that would propel me out of Robert’s room.

I’d been staring at the door for the past thirty minutes from the bed, unable to move. I wanted to crawl under the sheets until it was time for me to die. Getting out of this room would only solidify my sins but if I stayed here, my guilt and I could fester and rot together and no one would have to know.

When I heard the shower go off followed by loud music from Paiten’s bathroom, I knew it was time to face the music.

Paiten had a hockey practice at some public park today and I had to drive her. I made a quick trip to the bathroom to empty my bladder, wash my face and brush my teeth. I was far too anxious to put on any makeup or make an effort with my hair so I fashioned my long, dark blonde hair into a braid. I changed out of my sleepwear and donned on a pair of leggings and casual button up paired with black pumps.

I went downstairs and made breakfast: two bowls of Jungle Oats, scrambled eggs and French toast and a pot of coffee.

Paiten needed all the starch she could get for the energy required. I went through the extra effort of filling her water bottle with ice-cold water from the fridge.

Paiten came downstairs a few minutes after I’d laid our dishes on the kitchen table.

She was dressed in a pair of cotton shorts and an old golf shirt with her large curly hair squeezed into a tight ponytail.