This is my Path. (Sequel to Wait What)

Chapter 11

I spent days calling his phone to hear his voice. Every if it was just his name, in the end I can hear me scream,"Mr.Reyes I love you" and you just here him chuckle saying "I love you too." I cry every day. Me and his family are planning his funeral. I can't stand the thought of him really being gone. I still expect him to answer my phone calls. Only reading text messages and seeing pictures of us together. I expect to see him at school, to hug me or even wish me good morning. Everyone in that god damn school is mourning him. They keep asking me how I am doing. I don't respond. I get home and cry some more, calling his phone just to hear it. I'm the one paying the bills to keep it going. Jared started living with me to keep an eye on me and keep me healthy, and some company. Javier was only 18 years old. His life was cut short... He was going to become a father in 9 months... Dreams are just cruel. They seem so realistic and I see him there and I just try to hug him and grab him and hold on to him and I just wake up realizing... I will never be able to do that again... I still have all the letters he's written to me. I read them over and over, analyzing every word. Tear stains are all implanted in these letters now, they are just memories filled with sorrow and broken dreams of forever. His death will never be something I will ever get over... He was just involved in my life to much... And now the fact I know he won't be here the rest of my life is just... Unbearable. I fell asleep on the floor surrounded by our pictures together, the gifts, his clothing, letters... Everything.
I found myself on the bed, covered in a blanket. The only thing I could think of is... Jared. He's been around me for the 3 days Javier passed. I'm in one of Jared big shirts. I guess he changed me since I didn't seem comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. He's the father of my child, and here I am mourning over my ex. Jared has been such a sweetheart taking care of me, being here with me, staying here with me, and especially for not leaving me. I realize I didn't have pants on but whatever. How did I not realize he changed me?..
I walk out of the bed room towards the living room and see himself sitting there sleeping with the TV on. I enter the living room and climb into his lap and cuddle against his chest. I peck his cheek softly and rest my head on his shoulder. I stare at him for a little thinking, as I play with his messy brown hair.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper against his neck,"I've been so selfish... I didn't put any recognition for your feelings and here you are... You're here with me. And I've been doing nothing but cry." His nose twitched in a cute way, and his arms wrapped around perfectly around my waist, as he held me tight. A small warm smile pulled at my lips. That was the first time I smiled in a while. His eyes slowly start to flutter open.
"Hey gorgeous." He smiles softly.
"Hey," I examine his face for a second,"Thank you."
"For?" Jared raises a eyebrow.
"Being here for me. Changing me and laying me on the bed. Feeding me. Comforting me. Everything you have done for me." I give a tiny smile,"For being who you are."
"Hey, you're going through a loss right now, I told you I wasn't going anywhere," Jared cups my cheek,"And I meant it." He then kisses my forehead.  We sat in silence for a few minutes. Then he spoke,"Do you have your speech?"
I nod,"I might start crying mid way though." I give a dry laugh. Javier's funeral was tomorrow, and his family told me to speak. This must be so hard for them- worse then how I feel... Poor Mrs.Reyes. I remember how horrified her face was when she heard the news that her son had passed. She was so broken. And his dad... I have never seen a man cry about their child so hard. I remember Javier's brother was silent for the most part. He walked away and I followed and he was crying. He was terrified that I caught him but once I told him it was okay, he clung to me and sobbed so bad. What hit me the most was when Mrs.Reyes showed me the box with the ring in it... My name was carved in it but instead of Daniella Rivera, it read Daniella Reyes... Then another ring had Daniella Rivera... I wonder how long he kept this. She asked if I wanted it because it was meant for me, I told her I would take it and I did. It's on my nightstand. It's my memory. For me that's a way of me saying he will always be here with me.
Jared interrupts my thoughts,"Well if that happens I'll rush to your side and walk you down, okay."
I nod my head as I lean on him and he kisses my forehead.

**3 Days Later**

It was the day of the funeral. It was closed casket... I knew he was gone, I had 3 days to get a little used to it. But not completely.

I stood in front of the casket, silent. I had no words, not yet... Jared put his arm around my hip and led me to the seat in the front for us. Mrs.Reyes went and talked first. It was saddening to hear what her words spoke.

"My baby lived a good 18 years... Just starting his life. Was going to be a father, but had a wonderful girlfriend to be there for him. Leading him and guiding him, protecting him from mistakes he once made before we moved. His grades were important to him finally, he thought before he acted. Sometimes he would blow up and go back to acting without thinking and spitting out words, having the temper of his father," She giggled but sorrow was still written on he face,"The moment my son was declared dead I refused to believe it. I thought, no no how it couldn't be. He was just being a teenager. Who was in love and yes making so many mistakes,but to learn from them once he grew up. To watch him graduate, build his life and have a family. But now he's in heaven watching over all of us. My little angel." Mrs.Reyes stepped down and it was my turn...

"Javier Reyes... Man, the first time i ever heard that name i was told to show him around the school. I thought he was a player, an idiot, and a douche bag who wanted to be 'cool', you know, i didn't think i would think, Javier Reyes, the guy I was in love with." I paused and looked at my note cards, i ripped them up," That all changed when he stood up for me. What made him stand out from anyone else was the fact he had his own mind. He was his own person... I remember he went,'Dani we'll be here forever, because i love you and the person you made me.  You made me believe. I will love you forever.' I laughed a little when i heard that. And replied with,'You're a dumbass but i love you too.' He made me realize what love really was. He was the one... He was mine. Like i was his." I took a breathe and realize i have made everyone cry...

"Today we lost a great person in this world. Who made one mistake, who lost his temper... and something horrible was the outcome of it... I know you'll always be looking after me Javi... And you're family, and that little child of yours to carry you around. I promise i will never forget you. You let me become such an important person in your life and i want to thank you for everything, all the chance you gave me, everything... And now its time to let you go. You will never be forgotten for all you've done for me and my family, friends."  Everyone bows down their heads, i spotted the Lynch family, and everyone who Javier has helped. I stepped down and it was time for the burial.

I left immediately, i couldn't stay there any longer.

I went into my room and laid in silence.

"Dani..." I didn't respond. "Daniella." I stayed quiet.

"Come here..," Jared laid next to me.

"No." I shook.

"Daniella." He turned me and hugged me.

"No let go of me!" I squirmed, but he just squeezed me tighter as i sobbed,"Let go!"

"Shhhh..." He caressed my head. "Its okay let it out."

"Why..." i sobbed. I gripped his shirt and cried. Until I fell asleep.