The Secret Five #Wattys2016

Day 216-Anya

"Anya?" Cason was more shocked I yelled than what I really said. "Are you okay? You just flipped, I've never seen you like that before."

"No, I'm not okay! You have to change because you are having children. No more being the eighteen-year-old boy you were back home. You have responsibilities to take care of now. You can't party, you can't leave, you can't do anything anymore." He stepped back and shook his head. Tears were filling the rims of his eyes. "You think it's a good thing when while the whole time we were here our lives have been changing in front of us. And did it ever cross your mind that maybe it's killing us instead of keeping us alive. Look at Locklyn and how she has to change her whole body and appearance for the babies inside of her. Or Trace, who has to adjust to new ways of walking and change the idea of ever playing baseball again. Or Hadley and how her body needs to change to the stress and restlessness she keeps having and the anxiety attacks that come along. Change isn't good and it never will be!" I was yelling. I felt water on my face and looked to the sky to see the sun still out. It wasn't raining. Why was my face wet? I touched my eyes and realized I was crying and the wetness are my tears falling.

"You don't like change?" I shook my head and continued having the tears fall down my face and hit my shirt. "Why? Some change is good and some is bad. It just works like that and we can't do anything about it. Change happens everyday; the way the sun shines, the earth turns, even tomorrow. We can't change what we don't know will happen yet. Life does that to us and makes it unpredictable. If I knew I was going to be a father at eighteen, I wouldn't have been the person I was back home, I would have been the complete opposite. Now I'm going to have a family to take care of and that includes Locklyn being my side. What is happening to me is a good change and is making me into a better person than before. I won't leave my children, I won't leave Locklyn to take care of them, and I won't let my friends suffer with the aftermath of this cabin alone. I will be there for all of you."

"Cason, you don't understand my point of view. I had to change and make myself look like I was fine when really I was dying inside. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to die so I can be with my brother. Change isn't good with me and I can't even get used to the fact I'm dating Trace." My eyes widened when I said that.

"What?" Cason was glaring at me and took a step forward. "You don't like dating Trace?"

"No! I never said that. I have to get used to it. I've never had a boyfriend before, it's all new to me. After Armin died I just thought everyone would look at me and feel bad my twin brother died a tragic death and wouldn't want to date me. I am still dealing with his death and it may never go away. I'm happy to be dating Trace, it's just I have to get used to it and not look at him like he's dating me out of pity, he is actually the only one who understands why I may never get over Armin's death."

"We all understand, Anya." Cason came over and hugged me. "We were all there and we will all be here for Alton and you. Alton would come to me for girl advice and training for the soccer team. I get he was closer with Trace, but I made sure no one picked on him in school after Armin's death."

"You did?" I let go of the embrace and wiped my eyes. "I thought Trace was the only one who made sure Alton was okay."

Cason giggled, "No we all made sure he was okay. Locklyn put money on his account for food for the rest of high school because she was nervous when he began skipping lunch and Hadley helped him with his homework and some tutoring. This was all happening behind your back because we were afraid of how you would act if you knew what we doing."

"You four are the best. I really appreciate all that you did for Alton and I after Armin's death. Now I can see why we will be friends forever." Cason smiled widely.