Forced | cake au ✓

Chapter NINE

Edited - 7/28/19

Luke

I never believed in love at first sight.

Although you could feel lust towards somebody first time you see them, or even be infatuated, you can't really feel love immediately. The thing about love is, it happens gradually. The emotions slowly build. One minute you're infatuated, then the next thing you know, you feel like you can't even breathe without them.

That was what it was like for me.  Falling in love with Calum—it happened slowly.

At first we really only were best friends. Though I think, from the very beginning, I knew I looked at him in a special way. I was aware that best friends could handle being hours away from each other and not have it be a big deal, but I never wanted to be far from him. I knew best friends didn't get jealous when the other person talked about their crushes, but I did. I always knew he was something more to me, even though we just called each other our best friend.

Slowly, I began to notice. The way Calum's eyes had this shine to them whenever he laughed, or how he twiddled his fingers when he was nervous, or even the way he'd lock his jaw whenever he tried to stay quiet. 

Then I noticed more of Calum, like how he was polite to everyone and how he helped anyone around him who needed it (I was jealous about it at first, until I realized how kind it was of him). I noticed how passionate he was about music and how excited he got when I told him that he played the bass and the guitar amazingly. I noticed how protective he was over his family, and I noticed how deeply he cared for animals and nature.

It was almost like falling in love with him was inevitable.

Even the little things, like the fact that he was insecure about his cheeks, or the fact that he genuinely listened to anything I said, wether it was relevant or not. He always responded someway too, so that I didn't feel like I was being ignored.

You could imagine my surprise the night before he went back to Australia to follow his dreams, the night when he kissed me.

For years I had to deal with him liking girls. I had convinced myself to accept the fact that he was straight and that we'd never have a chance, yet I never moved on. My heart had always been with him.

I told him that very same night that I was gay. He told me that he had no idea what his sexuality was, that all he knew was that he started liking me a few months before, and liking suddenly turned into something deeper.

I think the most painful thing about seeing him kiss Kayla was that I spent years accepting the fact that we could never be together. I had accepted the fact that even though I felt something towards him, those feelings would never be reciprocated. I accepted those things, but then he kissed me, and he told me he wanted me to be his boyfriend.

He gave me something to hold on to.

That night changed everything I had ever believed, and I was damn happy about it. Because it meant that he liked me back—maybe even loved me back.

He never said those words out loud. He never said I love you straight to my face.

"It's been five minutes and I don't think you've even blinked."