What Have We Become

"You were right..."

SORRY IVE BEEN SO MIA!!!! But here's an update...FINALLY!

Lucas

I couldn't get the image out of my head.

Riley.

My Riley kissing Adam?

Adam?

Cara's Adam!

I drove towards my thinking spot as fast as I could feeling all the anger i had worked so hard to channel flooding back.

It hadn't been easy to do without my calming influence, but every time I felt myself getting angry or frustrated, I would think of her.

The thought of her still there for me.

No she belonged to someone else and I could only see red.

Song: Say Something (UP ABOVE)

The walk seemed longer today as I held the flowers in my hand.

I sat down on the green grass taking a deep breath.

"Hey," I whispered to the wind.

"I'm sorry I didn't come this last week.
I've been trying to prepare myself to see Riley and everyone again.
And you know what?
I lost her.
To Adam of all people!
Can you believe that?"

Of course no reply came as it never would.

Cara's dedication plate in Central Park was the closest thing we had to a headstone for her here in New York.

The closest I would ever be to my best friend again.

"I'm pretty sure I could kill your ex husband right now.
That's how angry I feel," I take a deep breath,
"But I won't because I know that this is what you wanted. For him to find love again and to be accepted into the group.
And I wanted that too but not with her.
Not with Riley.
And I'm trying not to be mad at you for not being here because if you were...." I began to choke up, "Because if you had stayed none of this would have happened. We'd all be happily together and none of us would be sad or hurt. We'd all be with the people we were meant to be with."

Suddenly a scary thought crossed my mind.

"Maybe they were always supposed to be together in the end. It was always supposed to be them. And maybe... I was supposed to be with you. My best friend. Maybe if you and I had gotten together.....but you're gone. You're never coming back and I'm all alone."

I let my head hang down with the harsh reality hitting me.

"I miss you so much. Why didn't you take me with you?!" I cry out to the sky.

"You don't really mean that," Maya's voice said from behind me.

I turned to see her standing with Farkle hand in hand.

I turned back around to the memorial.

"Maybe, doesn't matter regardless," I sniffle, "I thought I had something left to fight for here. Clearly I was wrong."

"She'll come around," Farkle said softly, "She still loves you. Always has and always will."

"Doubt it. Especially seeing as how her and Adam are a thing now," I scoff bitterly.

A look of shock passed between them.

"So we're not the only ones keeping secrets then huh?" I chuckle humorlessly.

"I'm sure they'll tell us eventually," Maya reasoned sounding hurt.

"Doesn't matter," I say sadly, " I saw them in a very cozy embrace already. Not looking forward to seeing that again but you know....friendship. Oh and school."

They nodded understanding and placed a rose next to my own flowers on the plaque.

Each took a moment of silence before stepping back.

"Let's go get a smoothie?" Farkle offered, "On me."

I smiled and nodded, "Right behind you."

I looked back at the dedication and placed an item is been carrying around on it.

"We all have our secrets," I whisper walking away.

Riley

I sat at Topangas sipping my strawberry lemonade as I waited for Zay.

'He's already ten minutes late' I think to myself, 'You shouldn't be here Riley. You're just gonna wonder about Lucas the whole time.'

He walks in with a bear in his hands

I can't help but smile.

"Cotton candy face, please forgive me for being the worst guy best friend in the world."

I roll my eyes, "Isaiah," he flinches knowing he's in trouble, "I forgive you," face lights up, "on one condition!"

"Name it!"

"Did he ask about me?"
My curiosity had gotten the best of me and I wanted to know.

'Way to play it cool, Riles'.

"Always," Zay says honestly, "There was never a day he didn't."

I can feel a smile trying to force its way to the surface but my stubbornness overtook it.

"Then why did he leave? And why didn't he come back?"

"Because I'm an idiot," Lucas admits from the doorway, Maya and Farkle not far behind .

I turn around slowly to meet his sad emerald  eyes.

"No arguments here," I sass, " But why didn't you?"

"Didn't I what?" He asked confused.

"Come back? What? Cara croaks and suddenly you don't need anyone?"

I heard Zay, Maya and Farkle gasp in disbelief.

Repeating it in my head it was really insensitive.

Lucas's eyes narrowed, "Why did you miss me? Clearly not because it sure looks like you kept yourself busy, princess" he said rudely, "How's the boyfriend?"

"Lucas..." I begin to apologize but he cuts me off.

"You want the truth. Fine. I left because I had just lost my best friend, the 2nd most important person in my life and I needed a break from the 1st most important person because I was worried about losing her too."

"Cut the bull shit," I say quietly trying not to believe him.

"I was on my way back to you when I got into some trouble. It took me awhile but I fixed it and I'm better now. I got here as fast as I could but you know what? I was to late. You have Adam. You know? You're dead friends husband. I honestly don't know what the hell you both were thinking with that one but congrats to you both."

He began to walk away from me leaving our friends speechless and me dumbfounded.

"Lucas...I..."

"You were right, Riley. I don't know you anymore."

I felt a tear escape my eye as I tried to speak but no words came out.

How had this turned around on me?
He left! Not me!

Then why do I feel like shit?