Sam Winchester x Reader: Together (A Supernatural Fanfic)

Chapter 14: Live Again

"YOU DON'T BELONG HERE ANYWAYS! DAD NEVER LOVED YOU EITHER!"
"WELL MAYBE YOU'RE JUST THROWING A TANTRUM BECAUSE YOU'RE DADDY'S LITTLE BOY AND NOT STRONG ENOUGH MENTALLY TO DO WHAT I'M GOING TO DO!"
"ARE YOU SAYING I'M IDIOTIC?"
My brother fumes, eyes burning holes into my mind. I'll never forget that look. But this is my choice. He can't stop me.
"IGNORANT! IDIOTIC! STUPID! WEAK!"
---
"Y/N? Are you awake?"
Sam. His arms are lain across my hips, and he pulls me into a hug when I weakly nod. My head still pounds, but not as noticeably as before. Even now it drains away like water from a faucet.
"Are you alright? You just dropped right in front of us!"
I see that Sam leans against the headboard of my bed, so I lay closer than before. Head on chest, leg across waist.
"I'm alright... How long have I been out?"
"Just a couple hours. It's fine."
We lay quietly together, and I listen to his heartbeat. Steady.
"I'm sorry about Dean."
Sam whispers, running a hand along my back tentatively. The gesture soothes me, calming my nerves that have built up.
"It's okay."
"Yeah, but there's kind of an explanation for what he did."
I crane my neck to look up at him. He sighs.
"Do you believe in God?"
"Yes."
I replied very quickly, and I realize I need to elaborate.
"I'm.. Well I'm religious."
Sam nods thoughtfully, and continues what he was saying.
"Well, he's real. Angels are real too."
"I know that."
He raises an eyebrow, slowing the motion on my back.
"How do you know that?"
"I've encountered Angels before."
"Oh. Well, there's this one angel. His name is Castiel, and his vessel's name was Jimmy Novak. Cas has saved our asses so many times it's ridiculous. But now, bad things are happening. Have you heard of the darkness?"
I feel the blood run from my face, and I pale immediately. My heartbeat quickens.
"I'm guessing you have from the look on your face. Angels have blabbed about it, huh?"
"Yeah.."
"Alright well, the darkness' name is Amara. She's God's sister. She's tearing things apart and wants to remake reality the way she likes it. So we opened the cage-"
"Wait. You opened THE cage..?"
"Uh... Yeah. We were thinking that maybe Lucifer could help us lock the darkness away again. He ended up telling us that he did it before with God and a few more archangels but he thinks he can do it himself. But, when we got into the cage, he wanted me to be his vessel. There was a huge fight and long story short, Satan and Cas are sharing a vessel. Cas and Dean are really close, and it's kinda tearing Dean apart right now.."
His voice is cracking.
"That angel is like family, and he won't accept the fact that the guy may not make it out of the battle alive."
Sam grasps my shoulder blades carefully with the tips of his fingers, holding me against him. He whispers to me again.
"And honestly, I'm scared for him too."
Wrapping my arms around him, I hug back tightly. We are chest to chest, cheek to cheek now, laying together in a sombre atmosphere.
"I'm scared, Y/N. I'm so, so scared."
My neck is suddenly wet. Sam, this man is breaking down next to me. Crying. Shaking with rushed breaths.
We sit up, and I hold him, letting his tears soak my shirt. It reminds me of when I first saw him, and when I held that poor innocent girl. I hear creaking behind me and I turn around to see Dean standing in the doorway. He continues walking. Sam shifts away from me, turning his head to wipe his eyes with the base of his hand.
"Ungh.. You shouldn't have to see that."
He croaks. His hair is stringy around his face, and his skin is blotchy and red.
"It's alright, really. Everyone needs to let it out every once in a while."
"No, it's not alright. I've only seen you cry once, and even then it was almost nothing. You're really confident."
"Not always. I'm not really confident at all, just really anxious."
"What..?"
"I really fear failure. I get anxious and I force myself to do things even if deep down I know that I shouldn't. Now, come on. Let's find another case."
I smile sadly, pushing most of my emotions away from my surface. The brunette looks at me sympathetically, and then nods. I stand before him, and put out my hand for him to grab. He takes it.
"Y/N..?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you help us fight Amara?"
His body language almost makes it feel like he is begging me to do so. He still holds onto me, pleading. His aura seems electrified.
"Okay. I will."
Sam's face lights up dramatically, and the two of us walk out of the room, hand in hand. And although everything should feel calm, a heavy touch has cloaked my heart. We arrive in the main corridor, ready for any tasks that await us. Time seamlessly passes, and we are lounging in chairs, drinks in hand and a job in mind. Sam takes a sip, and coughs.
"When did you discover your fear? Or how do you think it developed?"
I too sip from my drink, allowing the warmth from the liquid to spread throughout my limbs and muscles.
"I think it started when I noticed my younger brothers do these amazing things and get praise from my father. This was about the time I started making dinosaurs and my dad disappeared more often. I had so many of those little animals... Then my one brother went and destroyed them all. I don't think he meant to, but he did. My dad came back one day to check and was so disappointed, he thought I did it. I kept trying harder and harder to impress him after that, but things got worse. He became more critical of what I made. After all that, it just grew... Getting more dramatic by the minute. All because of my need to be creative."
There's a short space of silence.
"It sounds stupid I know..."
More silence. The absence of sound burrows into my very being before I look up to see Sam clutching the bottle and staring at a blank space on the wall. He notices my glare.
"I used to try really hard to impress my dad too. We were all hunters, and even though I didn't go out as much as him and Dean did, I would always try my hardest. It was never enough. Somehow I made it through school and got into Stanford, and left for that school, leaving my brother and dad in the dust. Then my dad disappeared for a while and..."
His voice slips at the end.
"Yeah. Now we're here."

I wake up the next morning with a horrifyingly strong headache and my memories of the previous night smudged together in a colourful mix. Surprisingly, I find myself lain in miscellaneous blankets on my bed. At this point, I notice a majority of my time with the Winchesters has been spent in a bed.
Interesting.
I stand, everything shifting in my sights. This isn't one of my mysterious headaches, oh no. This is a hangover. What a pleasant surprise.
Stumbling through the corridors blindly isn't my most desired way to spend a morning, but I suppose I need to withstand the pain for the time being. I almost trip over my own feet when I arrive in the library to emptiness. But, something is different. A short note is scrawled over a torn piece of newspaper next to a dim, dusty lamp. It reads:
Hey Y/N,
Dean and I found out that some of that fog we talked about last night rolled through a small town. We'll be back in a few days.
-Sam
I've been abandoned to deal with my sickness on my own. Well... Not entirely. A little arrow is drawn at the corner of the paper, and I follow its guidance to look behind the lamp. A very tiny bottle of pills is next to an even smaller disposable cup of water. I mentally thank the boys and take the medicine hastily before heading to the kitchen to grab some sort of food for the day. And while I sink my teeth into the crunchy, sweet skin of an apple, I remember the case Sam and I found.
I guess I'll have to fly solo today.
I'm ready to live again.