Now Is The Time

Chapter 4

I wake up to a parched throat. And ughh...my eyes are definitely swollen. What is with this grogginess. I turn my head on the pillow and I see an angel lying next to me. In an instant every other feeling in my body fly away and only bliss remains. She is sleeping soundly with her arm stretched over my stomach. Taking care not to jostle her awake, I slowly turn my body towards her so that I can study her face better. I carefully move the strands of hair away from her face. I swear, I don't think I can ever get tired of looking at this. This is my second favourite face of hers, and it ties with the face she gives to encourage me during a performance. My all time favourite though is her laughing face. But aren't her eyes looking a bit puffy? What's up with that? It's as if she was crying last night...last night...oh oh oh...that's right. Crap. Memories of last night come flooding inside my head. What was I thinking? I know exactly what I was thinking though. I slap myself mentally for my breakdown. I must have worried her a lot. Why did I do that?

I carefully get out of the bed to get a drink of water. I look at the clock and it's six thirty. Still plenty of time to sleep as we have the day off today. I down two glasses of water and head for the bathroom to check what is left of my appearance after last night's breakdown. Standing in front of the mirror I see two of the puffiest eyes I have ever seen staring back at me. And are those tear stains on my cheek? Honest to god tear stains? Thank god for the off day! I return to the room after giving my face a quick wash. Maybe I can sleep the ugliness away. Not wanting to wake Moa up, I head for her bed.

"You're not coming back to bed?"

I turn and see Moa stretching under the covers.

"Oh, you're awake? I was afraid I'd wake you so...," I say as I go and climb in with her. I settle in facing her. It's nice and warm with her here. She lifts her hand and touches the area around my puffy eyes. I cringe mentally as this reminds me of last night.

"I'm really sorry about last night. I don't know what came over me. Please please please forgive me for doing that to you," I start apologising.

"Don't worry about it. It's good to let your feelings out every now and then. Our work is stressful enough as it is, no need to pile on more to the stock of stress by keeping things bottled inside. I think I actually needed a good cry too. I feel kinda refreshed right now."

Oh, Moa. You're so good to me. I smile, letting her know I appreciate it.

"But I'm not completely satisfied with your explanation last night. I don't think it was only because you're going to miss us and the BABYMETAL life. I think there was something more to it, more you didn't tell me. I mean come on, we've been working together for what...six years...now, and that was my first time seeing you like that. The most I've seen you cry was during the first Sakura Gakuin graduation, at the graduation of Ayami-chan, Ayaka-chan and Airin. But last night...that was something else. That was something someone like me might do. Not someone like you. So spill."

Cripes! There is just no getting past her. It's at times like this that I find it so frustrating that she can read me so clearly. Where was she with this ability during the initial days when I was still stupid enough to try and let her notice my feelings? She never caught on even with the many little hints I would drop here and there. But I stopped doing that around a year and half ago when I finally thought things through, and soon after that she came out with this new all-seeing ability of hers.

"So?" she presses.

I don't know how to reply. I can't tell a lie since she'll see through me right away. But I can't tell her the truth either. I won't be able to stand it if I do tell her the truth and she starts avoiding me or something. I can't risk it. So I say nothing and look down.