Ruby Tuesday

Chapter eleven

    “Not I.” I laughed and we went back to packing then.

 ******

    The next morning as I ate my cereal and dad did his tie by the kitchen door there was a kind of tension in the air that I wasn’t comfortable with. “Are you alright?” I asked him earnestly.

    “Of course.” He replied but when our eyes met I saw a sadness he was trying to hide. “I’ll just miss you that’s all.” He admitted, I got up and gave him a hug, another fleeting one to save everyone from humiliation. “I’ll drive you to the train station after work.” He reminded me before leaving the house. Sighing I lit up a cigarette and headed to the funeral parlour for the final time.

    I cried when it was closing up time, I couldn’t help it, I’d loved working there for the majority of the time until it had all turned sour and Mr Clarkson was such a kind, funny man. He brought me into a wiry embrace and patted me on the head, wishing me luck for the hundredth time and then Angie took my hand in hers as she was waiting for me outside. “Once again you’re late!” She pretended to scold. “Oh, don’t cry, you’re too soppy for your own good sometimes!”

    “I’m not crying!” I protested but it was in vain. Angie gave me one of her scarves and told me to take care because she’d stolen it from a London market and nearly got lynched for her troubles. Dad had already loaded most of my things into the boot of the car and we had one last cup of tea before I left. Hugging Angie as tight as I could we refused to let go, sisters separated at birth and finally I was fledging the nest. “Oh man, I’m going to miss you!”

    “It’s cool, it’s cool,” she was sobbing into my ear.

    “Come on then, Rubes, we’ve got a train to catch.” Dad said awkwardly from behind me. Angie and I let go, she popped a kiss on my wet cheek and vowed to be popping up to Kent to annoy me as soon as she could. The car drive to the station was near enough unbearable as well. Neither dad nor I spoke the entire journey but when I lugged my belongings towards the waiting train he kissed my cheek as well and told me to write to him lots.

    “I promise.” I smiled over my shoulder, his were slumped and he looked miserable under the fake exterior. “Love you dad.”

    “Love you too, girl.” He nodded and I heaved my stuff onto the train dragging my way into a small enough compartment where I arranged my things around me to take up as little space as possible.

    I was sad throughout the journey and permitted myself to cry quietly as no one was in the compartment with me, such a huge leap I’d just taken and it was daunting, luminous and exhilarating, too many enormous emotions for me to deal with at that particular time.

 ******

    Mum had sent Charlie to pick me up, he helped lug my things to the car and we worked together to fit the puzzle of them in the boot together. I sat in the front, sniffing with red puffy eyes while he had the radio on tapping his fingers to the guitar sounds.

    It was dusk by the time Charlie pulled up outside the manor and we heaved my belongings into the house where we dumped them into my room. Crystal, mum’s fluffy ball of a dog was yapping in the back garden while mum whistled and yelled at her to obey. I was too exhausted to bother to unpack right away, I watched mum’s scene out of the window absently for a while before closing the curtains with force. Sitting on my bed I huffed out a great sigh, this was really it then? My life was finally clanking on somewhere I couldn’t predict. All my life everything had been predictable and although it was boring it had been controllable and sort of homey whereas this was unsettling to say the least. Oh well, I’d just have to deal with it. Too late to turn back.

    “Knock knock.” Mum spoke softly as she gently pushed the door open, poking her head around. “Hello.”

    “Hi.”

    “May I come in?” Without waiting for an answer she strode in and sat down on the bed beside me. “Your dad will be fine you know.”

    “Yeah.”

    “He will.” She was nodding, staring straight ahead. “He was perfectly fine when I left and he’ll be right as rain now that you have.”

    Turning my head to face her I glowered, “thanks. You’ve been very helpful and made me feel tons better.”

    She shrugged a little, “I don’t really know what I’m doing Rubes. You know that. Just know that I’m uh here for you and I’m trying my best.”

    “Alright.”

    “Don’t worry, you’ve got your own life to lead. Your dad’s happy for you, if he’s as good of a father that you and I both claim him to be. He’ll be happy…Proud.” I snorted and she patted my knee before getting to her feet. She was wearing fluffy slippers but beside from that she was still all dolled up like usual. “Right, enough of all that, are you hungry?” I shook my head. “Alright, well if you stay up here and unpack then I’ll bid you goodnight, sweetheart.” She patted my head awkwardly, reminding us both that she was out of touch with this ‘mother’ business. “Sweet dreams.”

    “Goodnight sweet dreams God bless see you in the morning.” I rattled off the usual spiel before she left, shutting the door quietly behind her and then teetering loudly down the wooden stairs.

    Gazing around the room at my bags of belongings, not too many but too much for me to want to deal with right then I found my pyjamas and then snuggled down in my new, almost foreign bed. My old one was so much better, it had grown with me, it was practically moulded for my sleeping shape whatever that was. The only thing that stopped me from crying myself to sleep that night was hugging the scarf that Angie had bought for me.