Fragile(NOT COMPLETED, UNDER REVISION, PLZ DONT READ RN)

Chapter 30

    Today was a whole different matter. I felt like fresh meat waiting to be pounced on in the wild. In the morning I didn't expect to see Logan, nor did I ever really before, but the past couple of mornings I had seen him. I secretly hoped he would be there by my locker today like he was on other mornings but he wasn't.

    I had noticed something not too long ago after I saw Ethan and Aubrey's fight that one day. Aubrey no longer accompanied Ethan but his friends usually hung around him in that part of the hallway. I knew they were Logan's friends too but Logan's attention was always on me for reasons I've still yet to figure out. 

    This is where the excitement kicks in at the idea of him liking me but there could be a million other reasons as to why he paid all that mind to me. He could just find me amusing, maybe he could tell that I was chipping and  that I'll soon crack and he just wants to be there to witness the meltdown. These were all plausible reasons to me but that's not the point. 

    The point is that all those mornings Logan would stand right next to me as I switched my books and he would make small talk with me. Ethan and his friends would stand a couple yards away from us directly behind Logan's back. Ethan's friends would talk to him but Ethan would just stand there leaning against the wall staring at us with a blank look on his face. 

    It made me want to crawl into a secret hiding spot but for some reason it eased me that Logan was there. It felt like he was serving as a wall between me and Ethan despite him being his friend... like a protective barrier of some sort. It felt like Ethan couldn't get to me because of him, just like how Lacey couldn't get to me if Logan was there with me in class. 

     Today I stood there at my locker switching out my books like usual and Ethan and his friends stood down in the hallway like usual.  Logan was no where to be found and later on in class I had come to the conclusion that he just hadn't come today. When I had finished my locker business and shut it I clutched my books into my chest. Before walking off I accidentally glanced in Ethan's direction in hopes of spotting Logan. 

    Instead I ended up making eye contact with Ethan. His blue eyes struck me and the blank look on his face slowly transformed into one of those cold hearted smirks. It was one of those looks that told me he knew something I didn't. It made my skin crawl and I instantly turned around and walked off to class. 

    Ethan hadn't approached me at all since the party and I prayed he wouldn't remember what happened because he was drunk. Even before he hadn't approached me for a while and I think that somehow it was due to Logan. Logan doesn't know the deal between me and Ethan, I know that for a fact but besides Logan's presence I can't think of another reason as to why Ethan would just be leaving me alone. It doesn't make sense. 

     I pull my legs up onto the chair as I further assess what's been happening. Despite Ethan and how scared I am of him my mind wanders back to Logan. Why has he been preoccupying my mind so much? Will I ever find out? 

    My thoughts drift off through the many instances Logan and I have shared. I cringe at a few. The only one that sticks out the most is when he had called me a waste of time. 

    He apologized for it a ton of times but I still don't know if he really meant it or not. Maybe it was just the anger talking when he said that? Wasn't he right for saying it though? Hadn't I been wasting his time? 

    He was giving me physical pleasure and I only ended up pushing him away. I liked the way it had felt though. The euphoric feeling that coursed through my veins every time he touched me. I always felt bad afterwards. I knew he would want more and I can't give him that.

    Logan made me feel good in a physical sense and then later on I mentally felt screwed up for what happened. I was vague with feelings but only because I didn't want him to catch onto everything. 

    Logan is right. I was wasting his time. I didn't want him to know what was going on. I still don't. Lately I can't help the same euphoric feeling that travels through me when I think of him. 

    Suddenly something in my mind clicks. Maybe it wasn't the idea of Logan not liking me back that kept me from figuring out my feelings. Maybe it was the idea of him actually liking me back that scared me into not wanting to figure out my feelings.

    If we both end up liking each other won't he eventually find out about Ethan and my Father? 

    That thought scares me like no other. I have no idea what his reaction would be. What if he didn't believe me? What if he thought nothing of it and began to abuse me too? 

    My conscience scolds me for thinking such a thing but its a possibility. 

    If I was going to figure this out I would need to know if he liked me or not. How would I do that though? Asking him straight up isn't something I can just do. I don't have the guts for it. 

    Maybe I could try Alyssa's tactic on him, just twist the words a bit and see what happens. I'm not sure when this'll happen. Possibly when I grow the backbone to actually do it. If that's the case then I'll need to grow it quickly. I need to know this.

  I was going to say May the Fourth Be With You fellow Jedi Knights  but it's currently 1:25 am and now May 5th so instead Happy Cinco De Mayo :) Sorry for the wait but I hope you like this chapter. If you don't mind, try to guess what'll happen in the next chapter! I'd loveeeee to hear it!

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