Love Arranged (#1)

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen: Evan

Is it bad to want someone's presence around again even though they specifically told you to stay the absolute hell away from them?

Maybe it's just the guilt fooling me into thinking that the reason why I'm constantly thinking about her is that I secretly miss having her around.

Which would be fucked up considering who in their right minds would miss someone whom they only ever fight with twenty-four-seven?

So maybe it really is just the guilt considering I didn't expect us to head back to square one that easily, we drive each other insane and yeah, we do fucking fight a lot. But I just didn't think that it would be enough to convince her to cut all ties with me completely.

But now, ever since that day when I got into a fight with Levi and she had established that it'd be best if we don't see or talk to one another anymore, I barely see her. Like at all.

She hasn't been attending classes for the past week, and when I asked her teachers about it, they could only tell me that her assignments and projects were being picked up so she still can do them back at home due to how she was going through personal matters at the moment.

I obviously couldn't probe her friends about it because even she hasn't been talking to them, and neither have they, considering they're literally acting as if she never existed at all.

That alone was already enough to annoy the shit out of me.

Like seriously? One misunderstanding and they just cut her off like that? If I had known she not only had a shitty boyfriend but also a bunch of shitty friends as well, I would've done more than just a quick beat-up.

But then again, it's not like she would allow me to.

For all I know, everything I've done in her life has been nothing but a major inconvenience or an act of meddling, and maybe it is. Maybe I just don't know where my limits are anymore, so when I do something even remotely normal in my eyes, it's erratic or too much in hers.

Maybe we are just too different, maybe it would be easier to just stop this childish banter that we have going on, trying to fool ourselves into believing that whenever a fight happens, we can work it out. That we can get along.

But we simply can't, one way or another we do something that would inevitably make the other person tired because that's what we do. We drain each other of our own energy by simply existing.

No one wants that, you have to be absolutely fucking mad to want something like that, even I don't want that, no matter how thrilling it can be at times. It does get tiring.

But how come leaving everything behind just like that seems so disappointing at the same time? As if it was never an option in the first place.

I know it would be more optional, more understandable to just listen to her when she tells me what's best for us because God knows she's the more logical one between us both.

But why doesn't it feel that way? Staying away from each other because it's the easier route to take? Maybe because easy always seemed so half-assed, like we don't want to do it, but at the same time, we have no other option and we have to save ourselves before it's too late.

But why is it every time she tells me to leave, it just tempts me to want to stay even more? Even though it would be easier. Because I know the more we force ourselves onto one another, the more we'd convince ourselves that it's never going to work because of how different we are.